Somehow...

... I need to get better. A week ago, I thought I had everything. I didn't care about losing my job because I felt that I had something else. Something that made me want to succeed and create a better life for not only myself but everyone in it. Now that i think about it, it makes sense that no one wants to "be" with me. It's because I'm a miserable fuck. I've worked my ass off for five years. Each day runs together and becomes the same as the day that came before. It's all I've ever known. I don't know what having fun really means anymore. I don't have a college education which makes me dead in the water. I mean, who would ever take me over a college grad? Have you seen me? I look like Rob Zombie if he knew what a good hair day was. Who's going to give a fucker like me a career? I've gone no where, I've lived in the same area my whole life and I've seen little of the world around me (left the group and snorkeled with sharks in Mexico when I was thirteen but who fucking cares about that). I've always been brave and yet utterly stupid at the same time.

The things I love, I've never been able to embrace. I wish I could be as happy as the people I see around me on a day to day basis (but now I'm lucky if I see them at all). I wish I could find what I'm looking for. In the years after high school, I've gotten used to being alone and I fear that there will be a day when I will be left alone for good. I don't know... I'm wrecked and I have to work from 8 AM till 10 PM on a Saturday and repeat the same bullshit I've gone through for the past five years... like the zombie I've turned into. I wish I was something special, I wish I had more to offer... but I don't. Damn, should probably try and get to sleep soon.

Hey... two posts in a row

Till next time... let us rock in peace

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