Posted by The one and only "B"... on 10:05 PM
TK here, with another story that’s relevant to our recent theme of peoples misfortune. You know that affect that alcohol has on people where you’ll start doing something that normally under any other circumstance would be a terrible idea, but for just one night you have to let it slide? You know, when you think it’s a good idea to try ice-skating in your shoes on a 45 degree slope driveway!
A quick note for those of you that don’t live in the northeast, but as of the past few months it has been really difficult for us to go a week without getting an absolute shit ton of snow. I’m pretty sure some records will be shattered if they haven’t already. Regardless, there’s week’s worth of snow and ice everywhere making the northeast look a lot like South Park… or planet Hoth depending on what galaxy you’re in. It really sucks.
Anyway, a little after New Year’s we got SURPRISE more snow! We didn’t let it get in the way of the fact that this was the last week we could all hang out before everyone would have to go back to school, and so we gathered at D’s for a few games of beer pong and Rock Band. Now, I’d already played five games of pong, two of which I drank for myself and my partner, in my vein efforts to overthrow the reigning champs C and D. So I was feeling pretty damn good despite taking five losses in a row. At one point B, C, T, and I went outside only to find that it was indeed still snowing… awesome. As T and C teased B about slipping on the ice, and being the only person capable of burning down a house during a snowstorm, (see B’s Misfortune for more on that) I found myself sliding back and forth on the icy surface of D’s driveway and thus, an idea was born!
I went back and forth at short distances, but it wasn’t long before I had built up the courage to go into a slide from a running start. Pretty soon I noticed everyone was trying it out. “Having fun over there,” asked B as she tried to avoid T from crashing into her. I grinned drunkenly and replied with a simple, “Yup!” When I get bored I make my own fun. I upped the ante by lighting a cigarette and continued on, every so often having to avoid a few close calls with T. As I write, I can only ask myself how I found this so amusing. I mean, people usually slip and injure themselves on black ice, and I had turned it into a game! It would only make sense that this “great” idea would somehow try to destroy me.
I went into one more running start, putting my right foot forward as I slid across the driveway once again. Only this time, I had taken a few too many steps and found myself flying downhill with basically no means of stopping. I held my balance for a few feet before my right foot got caught on a rough patch of ice. Momentum took my head forward, while my left leg flew up behind me, causing me to spiral into a death roll of epic proportions. I reached the halfway point on D’s icy death trap of a driveway, but what happened next was a pure miracle of drunken coordination that’ll probably never be repeated. I rolled off my back and shoulders, flipping upright again as I planted both my feet on the treacherous surface of the steeply-angled driveway. Bending my knees, I slid about another foot before stopping, my cigarette unscathed. A chorus of laughter erupted behind me as I turned and faced the three less than concerned faces behind me. “Ok, I guess I deserved that,” I said as I slowly made my way back up the driveway.
Later that night C, B, and myself all found ourselves back on the driveway, where C made a comment about losing his buzz. B laughed and said, “Well I know TK sobered up because he’s not trying to ice-skate on D’s driveway anymore!” Yeah, not trying that again anytime soon!