0
The Scud Saga: Part 5 (As Told By D)
Posted by The one and only "B"...
on
1:52 PM
Scud Saga Part 5: The Finale
Just to get you guys ready for the finale, I’d like to throw in a few small stories that Scud told us. I may screw up a few details, but I will do my best. Scud decided he wanted to go ice skating (I believe with Morgan). Somehow, he pissed another skater off. Later this skater would stab Scud in the foot with his skate. I’m not sure if I believe the story. Another time, while working at Six Flags, Scud refused to allow a small child to ride a roller coaster (the kid was shorter than the minimum height). The child’s father punched Scud in the face. Nice.
One day at lunch, Scud voluntarily told C, G, and I a story about how he was driving two girls around town (1 of which was Morgan). The two girls were in the back seat. Momentarily, he took a look back, and the two girls were making out (aggressively). We peppered Scud with questions about this (we obviously were fascinated at the lesbian affair Scud found himself in). Scud was oddly honest and answered all of our questions. Apparently, the girls continued and continued. I’m sure Scud enjoyed himself. After the story ended, Scud turned around, and I noticed that he was wearing two pairs of basketball shorts (no boxers, just shorts). Scud was notorious for wearing shorts. He never wore pants, ever. Ever. Even if was 10 degrees outside, Scud wore shorts. But two pairs of shorts? Given that he just told us a story about lesbian sex in the backseat of his car, I figured Scud wouldn’t mind telling us why he needed to wear two pairs of shorts. I asked him. He didn’t want to talk about it. I asked again. Remember that Scud was not particularly athletic or graceful. Apparently, my second attempt pissed him off, because Scud then performed the greatest athletic fete of his life. He flew over the table, landed gracefully behind me, and grabbed my neck. He twisted my neck to the side, inches from death or paralysis. With Scud’s lack of muscle control and clumsiness, Scud could have broken my neck at any moment. However, not a single person did anything. We were in a cafeteria full of people and nobody seemed to notice that I was about to die. Since Scud had his arms around my neck, I couldn’t get enough air to scream. C, sitting immediately to my right, was laughing hysterically. He could see the pain I was in. But rather than help me, he continued to laugh… and laugh… and laugh… Finally C (possibly the only person strong enough to physically remove Scud from my neck) pushed Scud away. And that is how C saved my life… eventually. The moral of the story: lesbian sex- fair game, shorts- off limits.
Epilogue:
I haven’t seen Scud since high school ended, but Scud’s adventures have not ended. Apparently, he moved to Thailand for a few years (seriously). I’m not sure exactly why he went to Thailand (use your imagination). He has worked several jobs (he got fired from Six Flags). And now… he’s MARRIED. It says so on Facebook. And everyone knows if it says so on Facebook… Scud’s trying to learn Spanish for her (I believe she is Mexican- if I’m wrong, it’s not because I’m racist). If he partially learns Spanish, it will be the third language Scud isn’t fluent in. Keep trying Scud.
D
(A note from B to D: Didn't Scud get fired from Six Flags for not checking the safety belts on the rides? And didn't he also get fired from being a manager in Wildwood, and a card dealer in Atlantic City? lol you can't forget to mention all those things!)
|
Just to get you guys ready for the finale, I’d like to throw in a few small stories that Scud told us. I may screw up a few details, but I will do my best. Scud decided he wanted to go ice skating (I believe with Morgan). Somehow, he pissed another skater off. Later this skater would stab Scud in the foot with his skate. I’m not sure if I believe the story. Another time, while working at Six Flags, Scud refused to allow a small child to ride a roller coaster (the kid was shorter than the minimum height). The child’s father punched Scud in the face. Nice.
One day at lunch, Scud voluntarily told C, G, and I a story about how he was driving two girls around town (1 of which was Morgan). The two girls were in the back seat. Momentarily, he took a look back, and the two girls were making out (aggressively). We peppered Scud with questions about this (we obviously were fascinated at the lesbian affair Scud found himself in). Scud was oddly honest and answered all of our questions. Apparently, the girls continued and continued. I’m sure Scud enjoyed himself. After the story ended, Scud turned around, and I noticed that he was wearing two pairs of basketball shorts (no boxers, just shorts). Scud was notorious for wearing shorts. He never wore pants, ever. Ever. Even if was 10 degrees outside, Scud wore shorts. But two pairs of shorts? Given that he just told us a story about lesbian sex in the backseat of his car, I figured Scud wouldn’t mind telling us why he needed to wear two pairs of shorts. I asked him. He didn’t want to talk about it. I asked again. Remember that Scud was not particularly athletic or graceful. Apparently, my second attempt pissed him off, because Scud then performed the greatest athletic fete of his life. He flew over the table, landed gracefully behind me, and grabbed my neck. He twisted my neck to the side, inches from death or paralysis. With Scud’s lack of muscle control and clumsiness, Scud could have broken my neck at any moment. However, not a single person did anything. We were in a cafeteria full of people and nobody seemed to notice that I was about to die. Since Scud had his arms around my neck, I couldn’t get enough air to scream. C, sitting immediately to my right, was laughing hysterically. He could see the pain I was in. But rather than help me, he continued to laugh… and laugh… and laugh… Finally C (possibly the only person strong enough to physically remove Scud from my neck) pushed Scud away. And that is how C saved my life… eventually. The moral of the story: lesbian sex- fair game, shorts- off limits.
Epilogue:
I haven’t seen Scud since high school ended, but Scud’s adventures have not ended. Apparently, he moved to Thailand for a few years (seriously). I’m not sure exactly why he went to Thailand (use your imagination). He has worked several jobs (he got fired from Six Flags). And now… he’s MARRIED. It says so on Facebook. And everyone knows if it says so on Facebook… Scud’s trying to learn Spanish for her (I believe she is Mexican- if I’m wrong, it’s not because I’m racist). If he partially learns Spanish, it will be the third language Scud isn’t fluent in. Keep trying Scud.
D
(A note from B to D: Didn't Scud get fired from Six Flags for not checking the safety belts on the rides? And didn't he also get fired from being a manager in Wildwood, and a card dealer in Atlantic City? lol you can't forget to mention all those things!)
|
