3
Speak now...
Posted by The one and only "B"...
on
10:24 AM
Hello world...
Today I have been contemplating words. Words are seemingly innocent. They are a vital part of how we communicate with each other, how we describe the world, our thoughts, and our feelings. Sometimes though, words scare me. Writing them down, putting them on paper, it seems easy. Vocalizing thoughts and/or feelings are terrifying to me. I'm guarded by nature, because I learned at a young age that if you don't protect yourself, no one else will.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so guarded. Sometimes I wish I could express myself without the fear or dread I usually experience. Char thinks I'm a masochist, because I would rather suffer in silence than express myself to people... I'm starting to think that maybe he's right.
In many ways, I am a fool, but char is beginning to hold me accountable. The only problem with that is that I'm not prepared for this. I need to take baby steps with this whole "expressing myself" deal. There are some things that I have kept to myself. Things that, even if I was called out on, I would probably lie. Dont misunderstand me, nothing that I'm implying right now is bad in any way shape or form, it's just not something I'm ready to be honest about. Even though, Char demands that I should be. He gave me a two day deadline to decide on what I wanted to do. I chose neither of his options, mainly because I was scared. I was scared that things wouldn't turn out the way I wanted, that I would be hurt or disappointed. I don't know what consequences I'll have for this... Lack of decision making. I just know that I wasn't ready...
Words, no matter how simple, can be oddly intimidating.
Love from,
Maybe some day I'll tell you what's really going on in this flustered head of mine...
B
|
Today I have been contemplating words. Words are seemingly innocent. They are a vital part of how we communicate with each other, how we describe the world, our thoughts, and our feelings. Sometimes though, words scare me. Writing them down, putting them on paper, it seems easy. Vocalizing thoughts and/or feelings are terrifying to me. I'm guarded by nature, because I learned at a young age that if you don't protect yourself, no one else will.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so guarded. Sometimes I wish I could express myself without the fear or dread I usually experience. Char thinks I'm a masochist, because I would rather suffer in silence than express myself to people... I'm starting to think that maybe he's right.
In many ways, I am a fool, but char is beginning to hold me accountable. The only problem with that is that I'm not prepared for this. I need to take baby steps with this whole "expressing myself" deal. There are some things that I have kept to myself. Things that, even if I was called out on, I would probably lie. Dont misunderstand me, nothing that I'm implying right now is bad in any way shape or form, it's just not something I'm ready to be honest about. Even though, Char demands that I should be. He gave me a two day deadline to decide on what I wanted to do. I chose neither of his options, mainly because I was scared. I was scared that things wouldn't turn out the way I wanted, that I would be hurt or disappointed. I don't know what consequences I'll have for this... Lack of decision making. I just know that I wasn't ready...
Words, no matter how simple, can be oddly intimidating.
Love from,
Maybe some day I'll tell you what's really going on in this flustered head of mine...
B
|
