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What you didn't know...
Posted by The one and only "B"...
on
9:56 PM
Hello world!
Recently, I have not been feeling quite like myself. I wasnt quite sure what it was at first. When I came back home to jersey, I felt like things were different, or maybe the boys were different. It took me a while to realize it was me who had changed. Maybe not so much have changed, but it's almost like I've settled within myself. I'm vocalizing the things that bother me, the things I want to change or make better. A month ago, I would have internalized it. Now, I'm being more proactive.
Today was an exception, I didn't have any energy to be proactive. Instead I spent most of the day in my room reading. Except for the hour or so that I spent shooting hoops and watching tv with char. D had insisted on my writing a blog post today, though. He even gave me a couple ideas about what to write. I just couldn't find it in me to do so. I blamed it on severe writers block. At least, I had until I went into work. It wasn't until after I had cleaned every window ledge, every table, every chair, and every counter space in the restaurant that my boss commented on my hard work the past couple days. To be honest, I hadn't put much thought into it. After he mentioned it though, it made sense. Whenever I have something weighing on my mind, I turn into a cleaning freak.
What exactly is weighing on my mind? Well, if you've read my last couple blog posts, you already know about Char's ultimatum, and my reluctance to comply. I'm a very stubborn person after all. I refuse to be forced to do anything. Just ask DM, every time he tries to force me to do something, I fight him every step of the way. Why should this ultimatum be an exception? Well, probably because Char knows something everyone else doesn't.
I guess I might as well explain part of this ultimatum. You see, before I left for Colorado, my boss's wife let me in on a little secret. Apparently one of my coworkers has taken an interest in me. He's a nice kid, and has a lot of great qualities, but I wasn't sure if I felt the same way about him as he apparently does for me. I figured spending a month away might turn out to be a blessing. Turns out, I was right.
You know that feeling that you get, when you really care about someone, and they aren't around? For girls at least, we think about the person we care about all the time. We wonder what they are doing. What's going on in their lives. We wonder if they think about us as much as we think about them. We also wonder if they are thinking of someone else. Whether we want to think these things or not, those questions seem to flood our heads constantly. The worst is when you're reminded of this person by something completely irrelevant to said person. We resist the urge, sometimes with a lot of effort, to text them too frequently. Probably because girls are naturally possessive creatures, and we can't seem to help ourselves.
The thing was though, I didn't think about him. Not once. Sure he popped into my Facebook news feed occasionally, and we would comment on whatever the other person posted. That was it though, I didn't feel any need to see him, or talk to him. I never lost any sleep over him, or any of the other usually side effects of lovesickness.
Yet, I wasn't quite ready to dismiss him. Maybe it was because of the fact that I wasn't ready to face the other option in my ultimatum. Which is most likely, if I'm going to be honest. Still, the jury was out until I returned home. When I had, I'd known for sure. I didn't feel excited or nervous to see him. I felt indifferent, and relieved that I was working with him. That's only because he's one of the few people I work with who's remotely competitent at his job. I wasn't even disappointed that I felt that way, only concerned because now I'm left with my other option in this damned ultimatum.
I'm not going to tell you what it entails, maybe you'll find out eventually. For now though, it stays between me and Char... At least it does until he loses patience with me, and does what I seem to be incapable of doing myself... So I guess you're just going to have to assume or wonder. Cause I'm not saying another word about it. Don't bother asking... Sorry to be so short with all of you, but I'm better off not sharing any more details... At least with the general public.
Love from,
Eventually things are going to change... In what way is yet to be determined...
B
|
Recently, I have not been feeling quite like myself. I wasnt quite sure what it was at first. When I came back home to jersey, I felt like things were different, or maybe the boys were different. It took me a while to realize it was me who had changed. Maybe not so much have changed, but it's almost like I've settled within myself. I'm vocalizing the things that bother me, the things I want to change or make better. A month ago, I would have internalized it. Now, I'm being more proactive.
Today was an exception, I didn't have any energy to be proactive. Instead I spent most of the day in my room reading. Except for the hour or so that I spent shooting hoops and watching tv with char. D had insisted on my writing a blog post today, though. He even gave me a couple ideas about what to write. I just couldn't find it in me to do so. I blamed it on severe writers block. At least, I had until I went into work. It wasn't until after I had cleaned every window ledge, every table, every chair, and every counter space in the restaurant that my boss commented on my hard work the past couple days. To be honest, I hadn't put much thought into it. After he mentioned it though, it made sense. Whenever I have something weighing on my mind, I turn into a cleaning freak.
What exactly is weighing on my mind? Well, if you've read my last couple blog posts, you already know about Char's ultimatum, and my reluctance to comply. I'm a very stubborn person after all. I refuse to be forced to do anything. Just ask DM, every time he tries to force me to do something, I fight him every step of the way. Why should this ultimatum be an exception? Well, probably because Char knows something everyone else doesn't.
I guess I might as well explain part of this ultimatum. You see, before I left for Colorado, my boss's wife let me in on a little secret. Apparently one of my coworkers has taken an interest in me. He's a nice kid, and has a lot of great qualities, but I wasn't sure if I felt the same way about him as he apparently does for me. I figured spending a month away might turn out to be a blessing. Turns out, I was right.
You know that feeling that you get, when you really care about someone, and they aren't around? For girls at least, we think about the person we care about all the time. We wonder what they are doing. What's going on in their lives. We wonder if they think about us as much as we think about them. We also wonder if they are thinking of someone else. Whether we want to think these things or not, those questions seem to flood our heads constantly. The worst is when you're reminded of this person by something completely irrelevant to said person. We resist the urge, sometimes with a lot of effort, to text them too frequently. Probably because girls are naturally possessive creatures, and we can't seem to help ourselves.
The thing was though, I didn't think about him. Not once. Sure he popped into my Facebook news feed occasionally, and we would comment on whatever the other person posted. That was it though, I didn't feel any need to see him, or talk to him. I never lost any sleep over him, or any of the other usually side effects of lovesickness.
Yet, I wasn't quite ready to dismiss him. Maybe it was because of the fact that I wasn't ready to face the other option in my ultimatum. Which is most likely, if I'm going to be honest. Still, the jury was out until I returned home. When I had, I'd known for sure. I didn't feel excited or nervous to see him. I felt indifferent, and relieved that I was working with him. That's only because he's one of the few people I work with who's remotely competitent at his job. I wasn't even disappointed that I felt that way, only concerned because now I'm left with my other option in this damned ultimatum.
I'm not going to tell you what it entails, maybe you'll find out eventually. For now though, it stays between me and Char... At least it does until he loses patience with me, and does what I seem to be incapable of doing myself... So I guess you're just going to have to assume or wonder. Cause I'm not saying another word about it. Don't bother asking... Sorry to be so short with all of you, but I'm better off not sharing any more details... At least with the general public.
Love from,
Eventually things are going to change... In what way is yet to be determined...
B
|
