Char's Rosetta Stone for Men

Due to B's insistence, I decided to make another set of rules girls can follow to bag the guy and keep him. I would like to clarify one thing about men: they always hear the "rules" from the women's side. I hope that these commandments will help both men and women.

1. If you ask a question, expect an answer. If you ask a question you (ladies) don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. This means questions like "Do you think I'm fat?" or "Is she prettier than me?" men might just be honest and say "Yes."

2. Sometimes, he's just not thinking about you. Don't ask what he's thinking about unless you're prepared to discuss crucial topics such as video game tactics, sex, or sports. Deal with it.

3. SLUT! Guys hate sluts. Slutty often means easy and most guys want some challenge. Take it for me the chase is just as exciting as the...climax.

4. Anything you wear is fine. If you want a real answer, ask your girlfriends.

5. Be assertive. Ask for what you want. If we ask if there is something wrong and you reply "nothing" then we'll assume everything is fine. Subtle hints don't work.

6. Don't fake it. Guy would rather be ineffective than deceived

7. Yes. No. These are perfectly acceptable answers

8. No teasing! Don't rub the lamp unless you want the genie to come out.

9. Driving is our job. Christopher Columbus didn't ask for directions and look how well things turned out. Driving is so much more than going from point A to B. It's an opportunity to control a couple of tons of steel.

10. Ogling. If guys can't look at other women (without being scolded), how can they know how pretty you are?

11. Assume the best. If guys said something that can be interpreted in 2 ways, and it makes you angry, they meant the other interpretation.

12. PMS is not an excuse. If you're being a bitch, if you blame it on nature, you're insulting our intelligence.

13. Just do it. If you can do it yourself, just do it. Girls who pretend to be helpless look manipulative, retarded, and a drain on the people around them.

14. No crying. It makes us feel bad and makes you look like a crybaby. (Note: If there is a legitimate reason for crying, then cry away)

15. No drama. Men don't have drama. The rules between guys is similar to the code of Hammurabi. For example, when C punched J in the balls, there was no drama. J got to punch C back in the balls.

16. No Whining. Unless its for more sex...then maybe.

17. Men are impulsive. If it itches, it will be scratched.

18. Dates. Birthdays, Valentines, and other important dates are not memorized and not opportunities to find the "perfect" present.

19. Talking. Sometimes guys just don't want to talk. We need to vegetate. It's nothing personal.

20. Right. Wrong. Who knows? We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are always right.

21. A baby won't fix it. Don't expect a relationship to solve "problems". Just because we love you doesn't eradicate your debt or cellulite.

22. Shopping is with your girlfriends. Guys don't go shopping, when they need something, they buy it.

23. Farts are hilarious. Bodily functions are perfectly natural and at times funny.

After talking with a bunch of guys, I found that if girls respect these rules, guys will find you irresistible. Although some of these rules can be a bit demanding, if you can't muster to follow these for a guy you "like" then he clearly is not "the one". Thus, save each other from the trouble of starting a relationship. I also found that guys just want an easy, no-drama relationship with lots of sex.

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