Hello world...

Today I have been contemplating words. Words are seemingly innocent. They are a vital part of how we communicate with each other, how we describe the world, our thoughts, and our feelings. Sometimes though, words scare me. Writing them down, putting them on paper, it seems easy. Vocalizing thoughts and/or feelings are terrifying to me. I'm guarded by nature, because I learned at a young age that if you don't protect yourself, no one else will.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so guarded. Sometimes I wish I could express myself without the fear or dread I usually experience. Char thinks I'm a masochist, because I would rather suffer in silence than express myself to people... I'm starting to think that maybe he's right.

In many ways, I am a fool, but char is beginning to hold me accountable. The only problem with that is that I'm not prepared for this. I need to take baby steps with this whole "expressing myself" deal. There are some things that I have kept to myself. Things that, even if I was called out on, I would probably lie. Dont misunderstand me, nothing that I'm implying right now is bad in any way shape or form, it's just not something I'm ready to be honest about. Even though, Char demands that I should be. He gave me a two day deadline to decide on what I wanted to do. I chose neither of his options, mainly because I was scared. I was scared that things wouldn't turn out the way I wanted, that I would be hurt or disappointed. I don't know what consequences I'll have for this... Lack of decision making. I just know that I wasn't ready...

Words, no matter how simple, can be oddly intimidating.

Love from,
Maybe some day I'll tell you what's really going on in this flustered head of mine...
B

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... looking up at all the stars in the sky. Outer space blows my fucking mind, man. How can something just go on forever? You'd think that eventually you'd see some orange cones and a sign that reads "You've reached the end of the universe, now go back!" I feel like people take space for granted. I mean, sure, it's a whole lot of nothing but there's tons of other rocks floating around out there. How do we know there aren't other planets like Earth? What else lies beyond our microcosm of a solar system? Personally, I'd like to believe there are other planets out there that can support life, be it human or something we've never seen before on our little pebble. Can you imagine a planet that's full of dinosaurs? It would probably look a little something like this...

The ocean's not getting off that easy either! In fact, we probably know more about outer space than we know of our deepest oceans which would be the Pacific at like 35,000 plus feet. The ocean floor is tremendous and every year it seems like some Japanese fishing boat manages to reel in some kind of near-prehistoric fish that no one has ever seen before. What else is down there? After listening to the "bloop" all I can do is shrug my shoulders in wonder. The Bloop is an ultra-low frequency that was detected by underwater microphones throughout the Pacific Ocean by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration during the summer of 1997. For those of you who don't want to sit in silence, fast forward to around the 40 second mark and wait for about 20 more seconds. Trust me, you'll hear it!

Pretty scary sounding stuff. They picked this sound up from a pretty serious distance too (5,000 km) and many scientist agree that the sound is not man-made like a submarine or geological like an earthquake or volcano. It was also several times louder than that of the largest known animal on Earth, which is the blue whale. Blue whales are fucking tremendous! How big could this "thing" be? When I read more about The Bloop, one scientist speculated that the sound may have been ice calving in Antarctica but a year later he changed his mind and even he believes it's of animal origin. Stranger yet, similar sounds were picked by underwater microphones throughout the entire year of 1997 in close to the same spot as "the bloop." I'm surprised this didn't raise more eyebrows around the world and garner anymore speculation as to what "it" might be. I want answers, damn it!

But I guess I'm just going to have to be patient and wait. Either that or I'm just going to have to go and find Cthulhu myself! I'm probably going to need a really big boat. Like an aircraft carrier or something.

Till next time, let us rock in peace...

This week marked the Fortieth Anniversary of Jim Morrison's death. To the Lizard King!

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If you're from the south, you should enjoy this:

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Hello world...

Have you ever been given an ultimatum? One that you didn't want to comply with, and you dont know what to do? What if the ultimatum was something you wanted to do, but were too afraid to do it? What would you do? What if it had the possibility of ending badly, and you didn't want that to happen, but it was all out of your control? There was no garantee that you'd have the outcome you wanted?

What if the outcome had the possibility of you getting hurt?...

Love from,
There's no way I'm sleeping tonight.
B

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Post TBH

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Hello world...

Today was just your typical day in Colorado: lies, drama, and backstabbing bullshit. Part of the reason why I left this hell hole of a state was because I was tired of those three things I've just listed. It's amazing how I could only have two days left, and people attempt to drag me back into this shit. It's sad really, that people here have to start with the drama, and show that they can't be trusted. I still have a few exceptions to this rule, and recently one of them proved me wrong. Which is the whole reason why I'm writing this blog post.

I'm really disappointed in that person.

I thought you were my friend, someone I could trust, and you proved me wrong. Unfortunately for you, I hate being disappointed. The old me would have tried to fix things, she would have tried to placate whatever situation that had come up. Now I know better. Trying to fix things is like admitting you did something wrong, and I know that I didn't. The only mistake I made was trusting someone I thought was my friend.

What I really want to know is, what makes people do these things? What makes people start drama? Is it that you are just bored with your own life, so you have to stir the pot, and start drama with someone else? It doesn't benefit anyone, and you just end up hurting the people around you. If you really cared, if you were a true friend, you wouldn't do things like that.

This is the whole reason why I'm NOT FRIENDS WITH GIRLS. I want nothing to do with my own gender. I find most of you to be pathetic bitches, who thrive on drama, and revel in other peoples pain. Admittedly, I have exceptions to this rule as well, but once you cross me, you are done. I'm not handing out second chances anymore, because I don't want to deal with this nonsense.

Since I left Colorado, I've been free from all of this. Living in Jersey is the happiest I have been in a long time. I know that it's because of who I'm friends with. The benefit of being friends with boys is the fact that they don't start shit with each other on a weekly (in some cases daily) basis.

I choose to live my life free from drama, because I want to live a happy freaking life, damn it! When are the rest of you going to learn this already? I swear, my mom is in her 40's, and all of her female friends are drama obsessed as well.

So yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say. Thank god I go home on Sunday, because I'm just done with all of this bullshit. Moving back to Jersey was the best choice I have ever made. Maybe I should thank all those people for hurting me, stabbing me in the back, lying to me, and betraying my trust. It's because of those people that the decision to leave was so easy, and thank you for reminding me of why I left in the first place. Not that I really needed the reminder, but you've just showed me that I made the right choice.

Love from,
I hope you have a good life, because I know that I already do...
B

P.S. Fuck you... (yeah, I'm a little pissed off and bitter right now).

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