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Old People Eat Chee[se]burgers too
Posted by D
on
12:23 PM
Last night at Cheeburger, Cheeburger, I was reminded once again why old people suck. After 3 months of grad school, I've come to define an old person as anybody over the age of 25. Apparently, after the age of 25, you become tired... all the time. After class/work, you come home and go to sleep. Leaving your apartment after 6pm is bold and has the potential to make the following day disastrous. 1 drink too many and you'll be blackout for a day and hungover for a week.
But the beauty of my old people resentment is that it extends to old people of all ages. Last night, Tk, T, B, R, and I were challenged to a stare-down by various middle-aged women at the tables around us. I doubt it surprises any of us anymore when our group's presence is known to the entire restaurant. We are what you might call "scene-causers." By we, I mean any group of us. And by us, I mean T and only T. T has a way of speaking in public that makes it seem like he is speaking for all of us. His voice is so loud and penetrating that we might as well be speaking in collective group voice. Unfortunately (or fortunately), T is a little less tempered than I am, so when he says something ridiculous (or offensive), we are all held responsible. We've tried before to limit T to a 5 on the Offenso-Meter (1-10 Scale). Our visit to the Brazilian Steakhouse comes to mind. I suppose none of us considered Cheeburger, Cheeburger to be a particularly high class establishment (the dress code is underwear at minimum). But then I suppose none of us thought Cheeburger was where middle-aged couples come for their date nights.
In between discussions about outrageous milkshake combinations, peanut butter cheeseburgers, and plastering C's face all over the walls of the restaurant, T was speaking in soft volcanic eruptions in volume and content. Whenever T would peak (before falling back down to suck in another chunk of his diabetes milkshake), each of us individually would notice different women around the restaurant eyeing us down. More than I few times my eyes met the crabby eye wholes of a particularly unhappy lady sitting behind R's right shoulder. B noticed a women to Tk's left. Tk noticed them all. Later on, we all reported what we saw and realized we must have offended the entire restaurant. In their defense, the burger store was pretty empty, so our voices likely carried pretty far. In our defense, old people suck and need to find better places to eat than burger joints where high school and college kids eat.
D
|
But the beauty of my old people resentment is that it extends to old people of all ages. Last night, Tk, T, B, R, and I were challenged to a stare-down by various middle-aged women at the tables around us. I doubt it surprises any of us anymore when our group's presence is known to the entire restaurant. We are what you might call "scene-causers." By we, I mean any group of us. And by us, I mean T and only T. T has a way of speaking in public that makes it seem like he is speaking for all of us. His voice is so loud and penetrating that we might as well be speaking in collective group voice. Unfortunately (or fortunately), T is a little less tempered than I am, so when he says something ridiculous (or offensive), we are all held responsible. We've tried before to limit T to a 5 on the Offenso-Meter (1-10 Scale). Our visit to the Brazilian Steakhouse comes to mind. I suppose none of us considered Cheeburger, Cheeburger to be a particularly high class establishment (the dress code is underwear at minimum). But then I suppose none of us thought Cheeburger was where middle-aged couples come for their date nights.
In between discussions about outrageous milkshake combinations, peanut butter cheeseburgers, and plastering C's face all over the walls of the restaurant, T was speaking in soft volcanic eruptions in volume and content. Whenever T would peak (before falling back down to suck in another chunk of his diabetes milkshake), each of us individually would notice different women around the restaurant eyeing us down. More than I few times my eyes met the crabby eye wholes of a particularly unhappy lady sitting behind R's right shoulder. B noticed a women to Tk's left. Tk noticed them all. Later on, we all reported what we saw and realized we must have offended the entire restaurant. In their defense, the burger store was pretty empty, so our voices likely carried pretty far. In our defense, old people suck and need to find better places to eat than burger joints where high school and college kids eat.
D
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