0
Honesty...
Posted by The one and only "B"...
on
10:47 AM
Hello world...
It will have been a year tomorrow since I started this blog, and things have changed here. I feel like I have a one year curse. Everywhere I go, it seems like things fall apart after the one year mark. It's usually at this point that I wash my hands of everything and leave.
This time it's different. I want things to work so badly that I've sacrificed a lot to try to make that happen, and it seems like it was all done in vain.
Things just aren't the same anymore. It seems like we all have our barriers. Everyone has been consumed by their own hurts, their own problems, or they are just too busy to be bothered. We can't seem to break through to each other anymore. I feel like we are all strangers now.
I miss the way things were, when we would stay up all night talking and laughing. I wanted to believe that we'd eventually get back to that point, but I just don't feel like it's going to anymore.
What's worn me out the most is what I've been doing to myself. I've punished myself for things I've felt responsible for. I've been hurting over my own injuries, and chasing after something that I now realize I can't have. I've held everything in. I've done my best not to force my feelings onto other people. I've been all alone, and I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want to have to force myself to be happy. I want to be open and honest about things.
I want to fix things, but I don't know how, and I can't do it alone. It has to be something everyone wants.
To be honest, I'm a little scared as I write all this, because I'm well aware that everyone's perspectives are different. Maybe the problems I see bother me more than they do everyone else. If that's true, you're welcome to tell me I'm crazy and that I need to calm down and relax. I almost kind of hope that someone will, because I'm a little bit selfish. I want to know that things are okay, and I'll find security in hearing that. As silly as that sounds... I'm just afraid of losing everything.
My family keeps warning me that if you need people, you're letting them have all the power. I've never really cared much for power struggles. I just know that I need my friends, and I don't want to give up on them just because things are a little rough.
I think people give up too easily sometimes.
Love from,
B
|
It will have been a year tomorrow since I started this blog, and things have changed here. I feel like I have a one year curse. Everywhere I go, it seems like things fall apart after the one year mark. It's usually at this point that I wash my hands of everything and leave.
This time it's different. I want things to work so badly that I've sacrificed a lot to try to make that happen, and it seems like it was all done in vain.
Things just aren't the same anymore. It seems like we all have our barriers. Everyone has been consumed by their own hurts, their own problems, or they are just too busy to be bothered. We can't seem to break through to each other anymore. I feel like we are all strangers now.
I miss the way things were, when we would stay up all night talking and laughing. I wanted to believe that we'd eventually get back to that point, but I just don't feel like it's going to anymore.
What's worn me out the most is what I've been doing to myself. I've punished myself for things I've felt responsible for. I've been hurting over my own injuries, and chasing after something that I now realize I can't have. I've held everything in. I've done my best not to force my feelings onto other people. I've been all alone, and I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want to have to force myself to be happy. I want to be open and honest about things.
I want to fix things, but I don't know how, and I can't do it alone. It has to be something everyone wants.
To be honest, I'm a little scared as I write all this, because I'm well aware that everyone's perspectives are different. Maybe the problems I see bother me more than they do everyone else. If that's true, you're welcome to tell me I'm crazy and that I need to calm down and relax. I almost kind of hope that someone will, because I'm a little bit selfish. I want to know that things are okay, and I'll find security in hearing that. As silly as that sounds... I'm just afraid of losing everything.
My family keeps warning me that if you need people, you're letting them have all the power. I've never really cared much for power struggles. I just know that I need my friends, and I don't want to give up on them just because things are a little rough.
I think people give up too easily sometimes.
Love from,
B
|
