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Yoko the Ho...
Posted by The one and only "B"...
on
1:59 PM
Hello world!
D has been asking me to tell a story for the past couple days, and at first my mind was blank. He already knew about my quitting my job, which is a good thing, no worries. I haven't had any life altering incidents recently. No klutzy moments to share. So I have been at a loss for what story I could share. Then this morning, as I was taking a shower and getting ready to start working at my Aunt's store, a thought occurred to me. I should not only placate D's request for a story, but also write a post for the blog. I should tell the whole Yoko the Ho story. Why did this thought occur to me in the shower? Well, mainly because I was looking for my razor for a good ten minutes. I know, that sounds weird and makes no sense at the moment, but give me a few minutes and I will explain everything...
Yoko the Ho is a girl that the boys and I have the misfortune of knowing. Why do I refer to her as Yoko the Ho? Well, I'll explain that eventually as well. When I first met The Ho, it was in gym glass during my first day at Holmdel. She seemed innocent and nice enough. She was a short Asian girl, who's voice sounded like it hadn't aged since she was five. It was high pitched and easily recognized, and even though she was intelligent enough, she often talked like she was a child. Maybe that was the appeal to becoming friends with her at first. She seemed to be as childish and as fun as I was. At first, she was just someone to talk to during gym class. We often teased our other friend about her time off from school for Mono. This friend never revealed how exactly she got mono. She constantly claimed she must have contracted it from a water fountain or something, and eventually we adopted a nickname for her. Monobaby. I don't know why, it was just something The Ho and I would tease her about. In a friendly way, not an evil bitch way.
Eventually, Yoko the Ho and I became friends outside of class. Actually we became best friends, and spent most of out time together. We were practically inseparable. Then the Fall Out Boy concert came around. At the time, Yoko the Ho had her heart set on going to Prom with one of the boys. The only problem with that was the fact that our other friend SG had her sights set on him as well. While the two of them bickered over who liked him more, C, the boy in question, and I all started up a mosh pit and tried to ignore the unpleasantness and tears. Eventually Yoko the Ho won this battle, possibly with a bit of my help, and she ended up going to Prom with our friend.
Had we all known then what we know now, maybe we could have saved our friend. Alas, none of us could have known what came to pass...
Turns out, Yoko the Ho is a two-faced, backstabbing, manipulative little bitch. Trust me, no one was more surprised than I was. It was a game to her. It was like she enjoyed making us all uncomfortable, and seeing how far she could push us before we snapped. It was because of her actions that eventually caused a riff between myself, and the rest of the girls in the group. I "defied" the Ho, which at that time, no one had done. So she punished me by alienating me from the rest of the girls, which I dismissed as petty and stupid. Then there were the catty remarks made on her part, because she thinks she's so clever. She once stole my clothes while I was swimming, and threw them in the bushes, because we were five apparently. All of this bothered me, of course, but I could handle it.
I patiently waited until it was time to go to college, and I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore. I looked forward to it actually. Eventually that time came, and I was Yoko the Ho free. Of course, she still had her poisonus talons in our friend. Plus she went to NYU, where our friend DM was also attending. During this time Yoko the Ho developed some kind of facination with DM and AM's relationship. She would pretend to be DM's best friend, but behind his back she was trying to talk to AM into dumping him.
One weekend, there was a little drama going on between DM and AM. For some reason, we had ended up at Yoko the Ho's house. While for most of the night it was everyone hanging out, eventually all the boys left, except for C. Lucky him, because he was about to witness a serious fire fight between myself and The Ho. She had made the mistake of bad mouthing DM in front of me, to AM. DM is like my big brother, he looks out for me, and he's always there for me when I need him. So sitting there, listening to this bitch bad mouth my big brother, was not going to happen. I don't remember who said what, I just remember how it was said... Screaming with two inches of space away from each other. It was ugly...
Yoko the Ho and I didn't have much to do with each other after that. When I came back to visit the next summer, Yoko the Ho would occasionally appear and pretend to be pleasant. A few years passed, and I very rarely talked to her. I avoided it if I could. Every so often though, The Ho appears, bringing a cloud of misery with her. One of the last times I saw her, she begged AM and I to meet her for lunch. I figured if AM was there, there would be some kind of solidarity between us. Which I was right, the lunch was unbearbly awkward, and Yoko the Ho gave us all razors... Hence why I thought of her when I was looking for my razor this morning... I sold my soul to the devil for an intuition razor...
She is still dating our friend, and we have no idea why he's with her. Whenever Yoko the Ho is mentioned, various reactions occur, ranging from low grumblings to fifteen minute heated rants. I've nicknamed her Yoko the Ho, because my family refers to her as Yoko Ono and her last name is Ho... She hates people referring to her by her last name... Which is kind of the appeal to this nickname...
Whenever I think of Yoko the Ho, I think of this clip from Hocus Pocus... She's out there somewhere, sucking the lives out of little children. (Thank you, Sarah Jessica Parker. For once you have a line in a movie worth quoting...)
Love from,
Seriously, we need to stage an intervention for our friend, or vanquish Yoko the Ho... I'm just saying...
B
D has been asking me to tell a story for the past couple days, and at first my mind was blank. He already knew about my quitting my job, which is a good thing, no worries. I haven't had any life altering incidents recently. No klutzy moments to share. So I have been at a loss for what story I could share. Then this morning, as I was taking a shower and getting ready to start working at my Aunt's store, a thought occurred to me. I should not only placate D's request for a story, but also write a post for the blog. I should tell the whole Yoko the Ho story. Why did this thought occur to me in the shower? Well, mainly because I was looking for my razor for a good ten minutes. I know, that sounds weird and makes no sense at the moment, but give me a few minutes and I will explain everything...
Yoko the Ho is a girl that the boys and I have the misfortune of knowing. Why do I refer to her as Yoko the Ho? Well, I'll explain that eventually as well. When I first met The Ho, it was in gym glass during my first day at Holmdel. She seemed innocent and nice enough. She was a short Asian girl, who's voice sounded like it hadn't aged since she was five. It was high pitched and easily recognized, and even though she was intelligent enough, she often talked like she was a child. Maybe that was the appeal to becoming friends with her at first. She seemed to be as childish and as fun as I was. At first, she was just someone to talk to during gym class. We often teased our other friend about her time off from school for Mono. This friend never revealed how exactly she got mono. She constantly claimed she must have contracted it from a water fountain or something, and eventually we adopted a nickname for her. Monobaby. I don't know why, it was just something The Ho and I would tease her about. In a friendly way, not an evil bitch way.
Eventually, Yoko the Ho and I became friends outside of class. Actually we became best friends, and spent most of out time together. We were practically inseparable. Then the Fall Out Boy concert came around. At the time, Yoko the Ho had her heart set on going to Prom with one of the boys. The only problem with that was the fact that our other friend SG had her sights set on him as well. While the two of them bickered over who liked him more, C, the boy in question, and I all started up a mosh pit and tried to ignore the unpleasantness and tears. Eventually Yoko the Ho won this battle, possibly with a bit of my help, and she ended up going to Prom with our friend.
Had we all known then what we know now, maybe we could have saved our friend. Alas, none of us could have known what came to pass...
Turns out, Yoko the Ho is a two-faced, backstabbing, manipulative little bitch. Trust me, no one was more surprised than I was. It was a game to her. It was like she enjoyed making us all uncomfortable, and seeing how far she could push us before we snapped. It was because of her actions that eventually caused a riff between myself, and the rest of the girls in the group. I "defied" the Ho, which at that time, no one had done. So she punished me by alienating me from the rest of the girls, which I dismissed as petty and stupid. Then there were the catty remarks made on her part, because she thinks she's so clever. She once stole my clothes while I was swimming, and threw them in the bushes, because we were five apparently. All of this bothered me, of course, but I could handle it.
I patiently waited until it was time to go to college, and I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore. I looked forward to it actually. Eventually that time came, and I was Yoko the Ho free. Of course, she still had her poisonus talons in our friend. Plus she went to NYU, where our friend DM was also attending. During this time Yoko the Ho developed some kind of facination with DM and AM's relationship. She would pretend to be DM's best friend, but behind his back she was trying to talk to AM into dumping him.
One weekend, there was a little drama going on between DM and AM. For some reason, we had ended up at Yoko the Ho's house. While for most of the night it was everyone hanging out, eventually all the boys left, except for C. Lucky him, because he was about to witness a serious fire fight between myself and The Ho. She had made the mistake of bad mouthing DM in front of me, to AM. DM is like my big brother, he looks out for me, and he's always there for me when I need him. So sitting there, listening to this bitch bad mouth my big brother, was not going to happen. I don't remember who said what, I just remember how it was said... Screaming with two inches of space away from each other. It was ugly...
Yoko the Ho and I didn't have much to do with each other after that. When I came back to visit the next summer, Yoko the Ho would occasionally appear and pretend to be pleasant. A few years passed, and I very rarely talked to her. I avoided it if I could. Every so often though, The Ho appears, bringing a cloud of misery with her. One of the last times I saw her, she begged AM and I to meet her for lunch. I figured if AM was there, there would be some kind of solidarity between us. Which I was right, the lunch was unbearbly awkward, and Yoko the Ho gave us all razors... Hence why I thought of her when I was looking for my razor this morning... I sold my soul to the devil for an intuition razor...
She is still dating our friend, and we have no idea why he's with her. Whenever Yoko the Ho is mentioned, various reactions occur, ranging from low grumblings to fifteen minute heated rants. I've nicknamed her Yoko the Ho, because my family refers to her as Yoko Ono and her last name is Ho... She hates people referring to her by her last name... Which is kind of the appeal to this nickname...
Whenever I think of Yoko the Ho, I think of this clip from Hocus Pocus... She's out there somewhere, sucking the lives out of little children. (Thank you, Sarah Jessica Parker. For once you have a line in a movie worth quoting...)
Love from,
Seriously, we need to stage an intervention for our friend, or vanquish Yoko the Ho... I'm just saying...
B
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