Hello World!

Welcome to the life and chronicles of My Jersey Boys and me, B (the only girl who hangs out with them). Our original mission was to prove that not all of Jersey is obsessed with GTL. Now it's kind of become the place where we share our random thoughts, ridiculous stories, regular quote updates, and maybe a picture or video here and there. There's always something going on...

Love from,
The one and only,
B

0

Pocket Improvise...

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 3:06 PM
Hello world...

You know what's annoying about most dresses? They don't have pockets. Pockets are seriously underappreciated. I mean, where are you supposed to stash your phone, cigarettes, money, and/or lighters if you don't have pockets? The simple solution would be to carry a purse, but I always forget to grab one. So today when I had to go on a coffee run for my family, I knew I would have to improvise to be able to carry everything I needed, as well as the coffee I'd be carrying back.

Then I remembered a friend of mine in middle school used to stash everything in her bra. I wasn't quite sure if that would work for me, but it did. What a handy place to stash stuff! I will say this though, having change smashed in your bra can be a little bit uncomfortable. As well as cash, because I get paranoid about paper cuts. I was able to hide a lot in there. Seriously, a lot! I even had my phone crammed in there for a little while, but that was just a little too awkward.

Why have I not tried this before?

Love from,
I need to get back to work now...
B

Links to this post |
1

Peanut Butter, Banana, & Blue Cheese Sandwich

Posted by D on 2:06 PM
I promise I'll change it up soon.


Links to this post |
0

The Baseball Finish

Posted by D on 1:22 PM
I know most people don't like baseball (or at least won't admit it), but if you care at all about sports, you have to (should rather) appreciate what happened last night. There were 4 games last night with playoff implications. 1 was a blowout. 1 ended with a 9th inning comeback victory for a terrible team. 2 ended in extra innings, both of which were tied in the 9th by the team that went on to win the game. The combined result of these 4 games was that two teams that were each at least 8 games out of the playoff race at the beginning of the month won their respective wild cards. Absolutely insane.

Joe Posnanski wrote an article about what happened that is slowly making its way around the internet. Here is the finale:
Funny, if I was trying to explain baseball to someone who had never heard of it, I wouldn’t tell them about Wednesday night. No, it seems to me that it isn’t Wednesday night isn’t what makes baseball great. It’s all the years you spend waiting for Wednesday night that makes baseball great.
I wish I could summarize anything as well as that. Read the whole thing. It will make more sense.

D


Links to this post |
0

Welcome to Girl World...

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 12:29 PM
Hello world!

Well, since I left my job at the Greek restaurant, things have been interesting. I started working at my family's store, which meant I needed a new wardrobe that didn't include t-shirts... My mother is thrilled over this fact... So it's been dresses, flowy/girly tops, and jeans that actually fit for me. It's taking some time to get used to, but it helps that some of these dresses make me feel like Audrey Hepburn. Wearing heels again, well, that's a whole different story.

I have always taken the stance that I don't need to wear heels, because God already made me tall enough to begin with. The real truth is that I struggle wearing heels, because I don't exactly have the best sense of balance. I've written about my klutziness in the past (http://myjerseyboys.blogspot.com/2011/01/stories-of-bs-misfortune-and.html), and it hasn't improved since then. Wearing heels seems to make me even more dangerous to myself, and those around me. Trust me. Luckily, there haven't been any incidents... Yet...

Although, I will say this. Guys are lucky they don't have to be strapped into these instruments of torture. I tried to drive wearing them for five minutes and it wasn't easy. I vehemently disagree with the law that says you can't drive without shoes on. Whoever made that law clearly never tried to drive with heels on.

I think Amanda Bynes said it best in She's the Man...



Love from,
They do make it harder to run away...
B

P.S. I get to listen to Taylor Swift... As much as I want.

Links to this post |
6

Peanut Butter, Banana, & Swiss Cheese Sandwich

Posted by D on 9:03 PM

Links to this post |
1

Library Time

Posted by D on 12:34 AM
I'm sitting in the library right now, fogged out on too much coffee, thinking about how odd this is. In college, I rarely went to the library. I rarely even studied. My theory was I could do very well and make myself miserable in the process or do pretty well and enjoy my college experience. I chose the latter. And yet here I am sitting in the library reading through chapters in my textbooks after only 1 class each of graduate school.

Maybe this won't happen again. Maybe it will happen before big tests and assignments. Maybe this is my new home. Regardless, something is different here. The culture around me is different.

Perhaps being in a fraternity frames your priorities in such a way that academics don't seem so important. Perhaps it was just my role. Perhaps I was just immature. Regardless, here I am. I am studying before homework has been assigned. For me, that's insane.
---------------------------------------
The library I am studying in looks like it belongs in Hogwarts. Maybe this is how all libraries look. I wouldn't know.

D

Links to this post |
0

Powderpuff football...

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 1:28 PM


Oh, high school memories...

Love from,
What? I didn't tackle her! The field was all muddy, and it's not my fault she was very top heavy... That other girl's shirt that got ripped? Well, that was because I went to grab the flag and missed. That totally wasn't holding... *laughs* Seniors... We got away with everything.
B

Links to this post |
0

FREE BANANA MAN!!!

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 1:07 PM
Hello world...

Today I read something especially stupid on Fark.com. Apparently an autistic student, who's only 14 years old, was handcuffed, and suspended for running across a football field in a banana suit.

Um... Seriously?

My family says it's a post 9/11 world we are living in, and the things we kids thought were "cute" or "funny", simply aren't socially acceptable anymore. I find this hard to believe. I think everyone needs to take a deep breath and relax a little bit. It's a kid in a banana suit for crying out loud.

Pranks are a part of high school. I myself participated in a banana suit prank when I was living in Utah. It was my Junior year of high school, and myself and three of my friends were working on our tabloid article for our school newspaper. It was a tradition our paper had. At the end of the year we would have a tabloid issue where we'd mess with the sophomores, convincing them there was a third floor to our school, or that we actually had a pool. None of these rumors were true, but we had the sophomore's convinced that they were.

We decided to take our article a little too seriously though. We had bought a banana suit, and one of our friends would put it on between classes, and we would take pictures of her running rampant through the halls for our article. (I'll include a few pictures of our adventures with the banana suit... Which I've been trying to convince my friend to mail to me.) If our school allowed us to pull this prank on our younger class men, I don't see why Banana man can't run across a football field during halftime.


SO I SAY TO YOU READERS, FREE BANANA MAN!!!!
 
(The link to the original article regarding banana man: http://offthebench.nbcsports.com/2011/09/21/free-banana-man-autistic-student-14-handcuffed-suspended-for-running-across-football-field-in-banana-costume-video)
 



Love from,
I really want that banana suit now...
B

Links to this post |
0

Favorite flavor...

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 1:09 AM
Hello world.

It has been decided that Ben & Jerry's Americone Dream ice cream, made by Stephen Colbert, is the favorite flavor of the night. I hope this influences your ice cream choices in the future.

Love from,
That is all.
B

Links to this post |
1

Jesus is King

Posted by D on 2:12 PM

Links to this post |
0

The Eternal Question...

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 10:54 PM
Hello world!

While driving tonight, I saw a frog trying to cross the road. The first thing I thought was, "This might be an interesting game of jump frog". Afterwards, I wished I had thought to ask it the eternal question...



Love from,
I figured screaming "Why?!" like Weird Al might not be the best idea.
B

Links to this post |
0

Excuse my girly moment...

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 12:16 PM
Hello world!

I think the hairspray fuemes have gone to my head a little bit. Or maybe the make up I've been wearing has chemicals in it that sinks into your skin, and makes you feel more girly than usual, but I have been watching a lot of the Gilmore Girls recently. I've always related to Rory. Maybe it's the dysfunctional upbringing I had with my mom, or the obsession with books, or becoming a reporter. Who knows, but I have always loved this scene. Like Rory, I've always been shy. So I admire her for being straight forward about what she wants for once. Yes, I know she's a fictional character, but it's easy to forget sometimes.



Love from,
I better go back to lunch with my dad and stepmom... I've been hiding in the bathroom so I could write this. It's kind of quiet out there...
B

Links to this post |
1

Pope Ghost Busters

Posted by D on 10:58 PM

























Links to this post |
0

Tomb Raider

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 10:27 AM
Hello world!

I just heard the good news today! There's going to be a new Tomb Raider game. I've played every Lara Croft: Tomb Raider game in existence. It was a tradition my dad and I had. He'd shoot the animals or bad guys, and I would figure out all the puzzles. Eventually, I started doing this all on my own as I got older, but it's a nice memory that I have. I can't wait for the new game to come out! I already texted my Dad about it. I'll probably post the game trailer on his facebook. As well as here... I can't believe I didn't even know a new game was supposed to come out. I'm very disappointed in myself. Anyways, enjoy the trailer video!



Love from,
I once dressed up as Lara Croft for Halloween... I even had a fish named L.C. after her. That's how much I love this game...
B

Links to this post |
0

Yoko the Ho...

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 1:59 PM
Hello world!

D has been asking me to tell a story for the past couple days, and at first my mind was blank. He already knew about my quitting my job, which is a good thing, no worries. I haven't had any life altering incidents recently. No klutzy moments to share. So I have been at a loss for what story I could share. Then this morning, as I was taking a shower and getting ready to start working at my Aunt's store, a thought occurred to me. I should not only placate D's request for a story, but also write a post for the blog. I should tell the whole Yoko the Ho story. Why did this thought occur to me in the shower? Well, mainly because I was looking for my razor for a good ten minutes. I know, that sounds weird and makes no sense at the moment, but give me a few minutes and I will explain everything...

Yoko the Ho is a girl that the boys and I have the misfortune of knowing. Why do I refer to her as Yoko the Ho? Well, I'll explain that eventually as well. When I first met The Ho, it was in gym glass during my first day at Holmdel. She seemed innocent and nice enough. She was a short Asian girl, who's voice sounded like it hadn't aged since she was five. It was high pitched and easily recognized, and even though she was intelligent enough, she often talked like she was a child. Maybe that was the appeal to becoming friends with her at first. She seemed to be as childish and as fun as I was. At first, she was just someone to talk to during gym class. We often teased our other friend about her time off from school for Mono. This friend never revealed how exactly she got mono. She constantly claimed she must have contracted it from a water fountain or something, and eventually we adopted a nickname for her. Monobaby. I don't know why, it was just something The Ho and I would tease her about. In a friendly way, not an evil bitch way.

Eventually, Yoko the Ho and I became friends outside of class. Actually we became best friends, and spent most of out time together. We were practically inseparable. Then the Fall Out Boy concert came around. At the time, Yoko the Ho had her heart set on going to Prom with one of the boys. The only problem with that was the fact that our other friend SG had her sights set on him as well. While the two of them bickered over who liked him more, C, the boy in question, and I all started up a mosh pit and tried to ignore the unpleasantness and tears. Eventually Yoko the Ho won this battle, possibly with a bit of my help, and she ended up going to Prom with our friend.

Had we all known then what we know now, maybe we could have saved our friend. Alas, none of us could have known what came to pass...

Turns out, Yoko the Ho is a two-faced, backstabbing, manipulative little bitch. Trust me, no one was more surprised than I was. It was a game to her. It was like she enjoyed making us all uncomfortable, and seeing how far she could push us before we snapped. It was because of her actions that eventually caused a riff between myself, and the rest of the girls in the group. I "defied" the Ho, which at that time, no one had done. So she punished me by alienating me from the rest of the girls, which I dismissed as petty and stupid. Then there were the catty remarks made on her part, because she thinks she's so clever. She once stole my clothes while I was swimming, and threw them in the bushes, because we were five apparently. All of this bothered me, of course, but I could handle it.

I patiently waited until it was time to go to college, and I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore. I looked forward to it actually. Eventually that time came, and I was Yoko the Ho free. Of course, she still had her poisonus talons in our friend. Plus she went to NYU, where our friend DM was also attending. During this time Yoko the Ho developed some kind of facination with DM and AM's relationship. She would pretend to be DM's best friend, but behind his back she was trying to talk to AM into dumping him.

One weekend, there was a little drama going on between DM and AM. For some reason, we had ended up at Yoko the Ho's house. While for most of the night it was everyone hanging out, eventually all the boys left, except for C. Lucky him, because he was about to witness a serious fire fight between myself and The Ho. She had made the mistake of bad mouthing DM in front of me, to AM. DM is like my big brother, he looks out for me, and he's always there for me when I need him. So sitting there, listening to this bitch bad mouth my big brother, was not going to happen. I don't remember who said what, I just remember how it was said... Screaming with two inches of space away from each other. It was ugly...

Yoko the Ho and I didn't have much to do with each other after that. When I came back to visit the next summer, Yoko the Ho would occasionally appear and pretend to be pleasant. A few years passed, and I very rarely talked to her. I avoided it if I could. Every so often though, The Ho appears, bringing a cloud of misery with her. One of the last times I saw her, she begged AM and I to meet her for lunch. I figured if AM was there, there would be some kind of solidarity between us. Which I was right, the lunch was unbearbly awkward, and Yoko the Ho gave us all razors... Hence why I thought of her when I was looking for my razor this morning... I sold my soul to the devil for an intuition razor...

She is still dating our friend, and we have no idea why he's with her. Whenever Yoko the Ho is mentioned, various reactions occur, ranging from low grumblings to fifteen minute heated rants. I've nicknamed her Yoko the Ho, because my family refers to her as Yoko Ono and her last name is Ho... She hates people referring to her by her last name... Which is kind of the appeal to this nickname...

Whenever I think of Yoko the Ho, I think of this clip from Hocus Pocus... She's out there somewhere, sucking the lives out of little children. (Thank you, Sarah Jessica Parker. For once you have a line in a movie worth quoting...)



Love from,
Seriously, we need to stage an intervention for our friend, or vanquish Yoko the Ho... I'm just saying...
B

Links to this post |
0

Greg Maddux

Posted by D on 12:10 AM


Links to this post |
0

Grad School Happenings

Posted by D on 11:34 PM
I can't believe I've been in Chicago for almost a month. It's insane how the quickly the summer goes from just starting, to almost being over, to being over for a month. It was only 6 weeks ago that J, C, and I were bitching about the NFL Lockout. I guess the lesson is that time always moves forward.

After 4 years of college in North Carolina, I got used to being away from New Jersey and missing all the fun that the guys were having in my absence. However, getting used to it doesn't mean I don't really miss being around. I love learning whats going on back in 07733 from any bits of info I can get from anybody who is willing to talk to me. Fortunately, I don't spend all my time wondering about what's going on back home (just some). I do have stuff going on, and here it is:

Obviously, I've met lots of people. Unfortunately, the average age of people in my graduate school class is 28. I knew I was going to be one of the youngest students, but I am relatively surprised at how difficult it is to relate to people in their late 20s (or even older). It seems like everybody is married/engaged/in a serious relationship and has been working for a good number of years. Meeting people is easy, but actually hanging out with people who are at such different places in life is difficult. I'm used to hanging out with college kids in their early 20s. It really is struggle to relate.

Fortunately, in the past week, I've started to develop some really good friendships with people (even though they are older). I now have a few people who I feel comfortable calling randomly to hangout. That was the best part of being home, knowing you have friends to hang out with at anytime. One particular friend has made it her mission to find me a Jewish girlfriend. Even though I have expressed my strong reservations (STRONG), she is making me go to events with her to meet the girls she knows. I hesitatingly agreed, because obviously there are worse things than meeting lots of girls. The thing is, Jewish girls are just so annoying...

Anyway, I have my calc exam in 12 hours, and I should study. Fortunately, all I need to do is pass. I'm not too worried. I am visiting my college this coming weekend for homecoming, and then classes start (a week from tomorrow). Things are going well so far, and hopefully that continues. I hope T is happy down in the Caribbean. I know he is working really hard.

D

Links to this post |
0

Top 10 Worst Horror Sequels Part 2: The Revenge

Posted by StuckintheSeventies423 on 2:35 PM

5. Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)

In terms of inconsistency, the Hellraiser series is right up there with the Halloween franchise. Except instead of following some borderline soap opera style continuity like Halloween, the Hellraiser movies (part 2 being the only exception) tend to pick up in new places with new characters each time with very little regard for creating a linear timeline. To many fans (both of the series and horror in general), Hellraiser: Bloodline is the dreaded “future-outer space” sequel in which Pinhead and the rest of his demonic cohorts were thrown on the big screen for the last time before the series fell into the straight to video market. In terms of story, this one actually had a lot going for it but when it comes down to executing those ideas it fails miserably. It sucks because this movie actually had a lot of really intriguing ideas and concepts to build on. One more note, why does everyone always insist on smoking on space ships? I mean, I’m a smoker but it just doesn’t seem like a good idea to me.

Bloodline starts off on a space station in the future in which a troubled scientist opens the dreaded Lament Configuration (a puzzle box that when opened also opens the gateway to Hell) in an attempt to draw the demonic cenobites to him. However, a group of soldiers arrive and place him under arrest just as the box is opened. With limited time, the scientist begins to tell the story of his family bloodline and the story goes back to 18th century France where his ancestor (a toymaker) builds the puzzle box for a wealthy aristocrat who is obsessed with black magic. After witnessing a gruesome ritual, the toymaker begins working on the Elysium Configuration to try and destroy the demons but he is killed before he has a chance to complete it. The story then jumps to the present day (1990’s), where the next in the bloodline (an architect) is being targeted by the cenobites. The cenobites track him down and take his family hostage until he can complete the Elysium Configuration so that the gateway to hell can be permanently opened so the cenobites can come and go as they please. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work and it’s up to his wife to send the demons back to hell. This brings us back to the future where the final showdown between century old rivals is about to occur. Whew!

With all that’s going on here, they probably could’ve split this one into two parts so they could better explain everything that’s happening. Several scenes come across as being rushed, considering that there are three different timelines going on at once. I also never liked the fact that Pinhead became so chatty in the later sequels. All he does is ramble for the majority of his screen time which makes him feel more like a cheesy Bond villain than anything else (he’s out to destroy the world too). I liked it better when Pinhead was hell’s silent referee who made sure that those who went there, stayed there! Instead he’s been pushed into the forefront of the story and wants to destroy the world and hold people’s family members for ransom. Yup, sounds like a Bond villain. I also feel like they intentionally trimmed several scenes down to make room for some slapstick violence which definitely hurts this entry, considering how much needed to be fully explained. The Hellraiser series has never been shy when it comes to the nasty red stuff but this one goes completely over the top. It’s too bad the producers felt it necessary to cheapen this one with more violence and action. Another missed opportunity for this franchise.

4. Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

While not necessarily “horror,” I feel like it would be a crime if I didn’t write a little bit about this particular masterpiece of modern cinema. Did the original Jaws even need a sequel to begin with? Probably not but when money talks, bullshit walks! While the original film redefined suspense and made people fear the mysteries of the deep blue sea, the sequels mocked that brilliance by giving us so much less. Part of why the original worked so well was because we were allowed to use our imaginations and barely got enough time to see the shark. With each passing sequel, the shark suddenly became the focal point and the suspense was gone. The smaller budgets sure didn’t help either (shark looks like a rubber pool float). Also, are we really supposed to believe that one family could piss a shark off so much that it would follow them from New England to the Bahamas? Oh, and let’s not forget about Michael Caine’s Oscar winning performance as Hoagie the pilot. His clothes also have the power to dry within seconds.

The movie starts on Amity Island during the Holiday Season where Sean Brody (now a cop like his father) is suddenly attacked by a great white shark (which obviously doesn’t mind the freezing cold water) while trying to unhook a piece of driftwood from a channel marker (this shark knows how to set a trap apparently). His distraught mother, thinks the shark is targeting their family (due to their past complications with the species) and decides to go to the Bahamas (your son just died, woman) so that she can visit her oldest son, Michael. Michael is a marine biologist (great career choice dude) who hangs out with some Rastafarians in his spare time when the giant rubber shark suddenly appears in the Bahamas. Meanwhile, his mother begins spending time with a local pilot who’s always looking on the positive end of life (probably runs drugs for a living) and seems to have forgotten all about her son who was viciously mauled by a shark a few days earlier. When the shark starts attacking swimmers (her granddaughter too) Ellen has finally had enough and steals a boat to go after the shark on her own and it’s up to her son, Bob Marley, and Hoagie the Pilot to save the day.

Sometimes, words can’t describe just how bad something really is and this movie is a great example of that. It defies the laws of physics and biology and there is virtually nothing intelligent about this film at all. Hey did you know that sharks can roar (they can’t)? Hey did you know that you can blow a shark up by impaling it on a sharp piece of wood? Hey did you know that sharks have black rubber wires hanging from their stomachs… oh wait. And seriously, what the hell was Michael Caine doing in this? I bet he fired his agent after working on this travesty.

3. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

Whenever you make a classic, it’s hard to follow it up with something better especially when you’re trying to follow the original Nightmare on Elm Street. With the first having made so much money it was no surprise that the fedora wearing weaver of nightmares would return for another ride on the dream-coaster. However, everything that made the first one a classic is thrown out the window and a new way of approaching the character was taken. Freddy’s Revenge takes Freddy out of the dream world and turns him into a demon that possess’ people so that he can kill people in the real world. In the original, Freddy simply haunted people’s dreams and if he managed to kill you there then you die in real life too. Now he haunts the dreams of a “confused” teenage boy so that he can be reborn as a flesh and blood killer again. I should also mention that this film has the unmistakable reputation of being the “gay” entry in the series.

It’s been five years since Freddy’s original nightmare took place on Elm Street and a new family has since moved into Thompson House. However, their son Jesse is starting to have reoccurring nightmares about a man in a fedora who keeps telling him that he must kill for him so that he can come back to life in the real world. It isn’t long before Jesse starts having homoerotic dreams where he goes to a gay bar and has a borderline S&M encounter with his gym coach until Freddy takes control of the situation (I shit you not). Freaked and confused, Jesse runs to his girlfriend for comfort but ends up bailing out on her so he can sleep at his friends house (more subtext). Unfortunately, Jesse can’t control the demon inside of him any longer and Freddy is reborn where he massacres an entire keg/pool party. It’s up to Jesse’s girlfriend to try and save him from Freddy’s grasp through the power of love.

Some things just need to be seen to be believed and that’s really all I can say about this one. Freddy has been pushed aside and all the focus has been put on a sexually confused kid that he has decided to take advantage of (that sounded weird). There’s virtually no tension to be found here (except sexual) and there’s honestly far more to laugh at in this film than any of the ones that came after it. Like the killer basketballs, Freddy’s kinky locker room antics, the bus ride to hell, Jesse dancing in his room to a peculiar choice of music, the exploding parrot, the pool party massacre, and Jesse screaming like a girl. There’s a reason why men don’t usually play the leads in horror films. I hope they’ve learned something.

2. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)

A group of hippies run out of gas in Texas and stay at an abandoned farmhouse where they soon fall prey to a family of cannibalistic nut jobs, one of which carries a chainsaw and wears a mask made of human skin. When a movie is based around such a simple idea, it’s hard to find new ground for sequels to cover. I mean, you can try but will it work? Such is the case with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series which is notorious for its appalling sequels. It got to the point where each film was basically just rehashing the original storyline but with new characters and the same old Leatherface. So what did Part 4 try to do differently? It took Leatherface and set him up with a ragtag bunch of hillbillies that are under the influence of a shady government agent. Did I mention that one of the “family” members has a remote controlled leg or that Leatherface dresses in full drag this time? What about the fact that both Renee Zellweger and Mathew McConaughey are in this piece of trash? Alright, alright, alright!

Four teens leave their high school prom early and end up getting into a car accident on some desolate country road. They split up to find help when they stumble across a nympho insurance agent who calls a tow truck for them, which is driven by some redneck with a mechanical leg. Eventually, the kids are taken to a farmhouse where an entire clan of loonies is awaiting their arrival. One by one they are chased around and tortured by the crazy family with an insatiable lust for pizza. With only one remaining, a couple of dudes in suits show up and start babbling about this government conspiracy based around inspiring fear and horror before the final chase can begin.

Seriously, what the fuck is going on here? This is what happens when you try and over complicate such a simple premise. It’s like connecting Michael Myers to an ancient Celtic curse. That shit doesn’t work! Sometimes simple is just better, folks. So the Texas Chainsaw Massacre goes the route of government conspiracies and hillbillies with remote control limbs? Every character comes off dumber than a sack of gravel and the choices that people make are beyond illogical. Not to mention that every scene that’s supposed to be scary and or fucked up (like any Chainsaw movie should be) ends up looking totally ridiculous. Like the scene where that crazy lady hits that one girl with a stick in the middle of the road or when Leatherface comes out in full drag and yelps like a bitch for the final third of the movie. The only thing worth seeing here is McConaughey’s totally over the top performance as Vilmer, the tow truck driver with the mechanical leg. He had just come off the set of Dazed and Confused and actually manages to throw in a few “alright, alright, alrights.” I’m not kidding. See this one for the sake of hilarity.

1. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Anyone who knows me and my obsession with this genre well enough could’ve probably guessed that I would put this one at the top. Back to the franchise that never ceases to amaze me, Halloween III: Season of the Witch stands at the top of the list for worst Horror Sequel. It’s not even like it’s that bad of a movie. It’s just horribly disappointing because you go into this one expecting to see Michael Myers and Halloween and all that crap and instead you get a movie that features an entirely different plotline and all new characters. Rather than continue the saga of Michael, Laurie, and Dr. Loomis this film stands on its own as a completely original idea. Had this movie just been called Season of the Witch (sorry Nicholas Cage) it probably wouldn’t have made the list at all because I actually like watching this one (another good rainy day movie). Apparently the producers weren’t too keen on doing another film about Michael (why, I don’t know) and so they decided to try and morph the series into a “Twilight Zone” saga, where every Halloween we would get a new movie with an entirely different plot and new characters. Yeah, nice one guys!

An old man clutching a Halloween mask is chased down by a bunch of robots in business suits when he is picked up by a gas station attendant and taken to a hospital. There, he is examined by the drunken chain smoking Dr. Challis who witnesses another man in a suit walking into the hospital, killing the old man, and then setting itself on fire. The old man’s daughter, Ellie, shows up and partners up with Dr. Challis and the two of them decide to investigate the Silver Shamrock Novelties factory which makes the type of mask the old man was holding. Dr. Challis learns quickly that an Irish businessman, Conal Cochran, seems to be pulling the strings around town and keeps the place on lockdown (security cameras, robot guards, and no contact to the outside world). Soon, Ellie is kidnapped by the robot guards and Dr. Challis heads into the factory where he learns that Cochran plans to kill everyone wearing a Silver Shamrock mask when they watch the commercial on TV on Halloween Night. Will Dr. Challis be capable of skipping his next drink so that he can save the world from… masks?

So an evil Irish mask making company is trying to destroy the world with Halloween masks that are activated by a computer chip when a commercial plays on TV (which they play so many times throughout the course of the film that you’ll probably want to kill yourself)? Now I’ve seen everything! On its own, this movie would’ve been fine but for the sake of trying to draw a few more dollars it bares the Halloween name and fans have been spitting on it for years because of that. I really don’t understand the direction change either. Slasher movies were just starting to pick up in terms of their popularity so another entry featuring Michael would’ve been welcomed with open arms by most fans. Instead, we got this. Like I said, this one isn’t all bad and manages to entertain on a rainy day but if you go into this one expecting to see something familiar then take a few steps back because you won’t! At least Halloween 4 managed to get things back on track before Halloween’s 5 and 6 derailed the momentum again with all that druid crap. Damn, that stupid commercial jingle is stuck in my head now!


So that’s that. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my opinions on what the worst sequels in the horror genre are. Keep checking back for my list of best sequels which should be coming around in the next couple of days. Too bad I’m going to be super busy with work and life in general next week, so it might take me a little longer. Oh well, I’m going to be late for work so I’d better be hitting the dusty trail.

Rock in Peace


Links to this post |
0

Drunken realizations...

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 11:55 PM
HELLO WORLd!

So I'm bar hoping with Tk and R and I realized something. The earthquake we experienced last month occurred on August 23rd...

That's 23 people!!

It's everywhere! Coincidence? I think not... Alright, back to drinking the rest of this beer R offered to me!

Love from,
It doesn't take much to get me drunk... And I want to play some Goldeneye, bitches!
The every spunky, and I'd like to believe, lovely, since I'm wearing a dress and feeling pretty.
B

P.S. Pretty sure that's not a proper sentence..... Is that??? Say Anything playing on the juke box?!? I am in love with this band!!!!! Get drunk and make some bad choices for me world!

P.S.S. Taylor Lautner is on the TV in the bar... And he's pretty. *laughs*... Did I mention I am having trouble standing at the bar... That's okay, I'll pretend I'm dancing.

Links to this post |
0

Boredom meets drawing...

Posted by The one and only "B"... on 9:30 PM


R made fun of me the entire time I was working on this. It was deserved...

Love from,
Isn't my chibi cute though?!
B

Links to this post |
0

Hahahaha… Wow!

Posted by StuckintheSeventies423 on 12:18 PM
Just saw this commercial on TV and felt like sharing it with everyone out there. Call me immature, but this is fucking funny and I needed a good laugh! Kind of sad when the funniest thing on TV is a commercial.

Links to this post |
0

Top 10 Worst Horror Sequels...

Posted by StuckintheSeventies423 on 5:28 PM

Well, we’re already into September which means I’ve waited long enough. Halloween is coming around again and so I’ve decided to make several lists dedicated to my beloved horror genre. I will be reviewing films that are both good and bad, classics and trash. I’ve subjected myself to many a bad film throughout the course of my life but it’s worth it when I stumble across something that doesn’t require the consumption of a six pack to find enjoyable. So besides a Top 20 list, I will be doing two separate lists for Best and Worst sequels (10 each). So, the countdown to Halloween begins now with the first half of the Top 10 Worst Horror Sequels. Are you scared yet?


10. Jason X (2002)

Usually, by the tenth film in any long running series the creators have already run low on ideas. So with Freddy vs. Jason on the back burner for another year, the good people at New Line Cinema decided to take Hell’s favorite goaltender to a realm he had never before gotten the chance to conquer. Outer fucking space! I’ve noticed that whenever a film series has to resort to putting its main character in space that it usually never works. It happened to James Bond with Moonraker as well as Count Dracula in Dracula 3000 (if you could put vomit into a DVD player, I’m pretty sure this would play on the screen). Now, it’s Jason’s turn! “It’s okay! He just wanted his machete back!”

Jason X starts out pretty promising with Jason breaking free of his chains at a research lab where he proceeds to kill about a dozen National Guardsmen in twenty seconds. After getting his trusty machete back (I wonder where he found it) he stalks a scientist into the bowels of the research lab where she shotguns him into a cryogenic freezing tank. However, Jason stabs through the thick metal door and causes a leak which leads to a lockdown of the entire lab and the scientist freezes with him. Three hundred years later, a team of students discover the bodies and they move them onboard their space ship (apparently, the Earth is dead and mankind now lives on Earth II…). They re-animate the scientist who tries to warn them about bringing Jason onboard but before you know it, Jason is up and walking around again. After wiping out the ship’s garrison of Starship Trooper wannabes, Jason actually gets his ass whooped and is definitively killed by this killer android chick. However, he falls on one of those reanimation beds and comes back more pissed than ever. Worse yet, now he’s made of metal. As their spaceship starts to fall apart, the remaining lackeys have to try and put as much distance as they can between themselves and the new T-800 Jason before a rescue ship can finally reach them.

To be honest, this movie plays out more like a comedy than a horror film. It’s nice to know that in the future, slasher movie victims will still be making the same dumb mistakes that they’ve already been making for thirty plus years. The script is peppered with atrocious dialogue with the worst lines being uttered right before a character meets their end. The CGI looks like something out of a lousy video game and I still can’t get over Jason’s ridiculous cyborg getup. If these machines repair bone and flesh, then why is Jason made of metal now? Also, shouldn’t the ship be depressurizing as Jason knocks down all of those doors? Now I’m just nitpicking. In space… no can hear you laugh!

9. Scream 3 (2000)

The first Scream was brilliantly simple with its engrossing mystery and well developed characters while Scream 2 was more of the same but with a bigger body count and less story. With Scream 3, they tried to combine the best of both worlds. What we ended up getting was a convoluted mess of a movie that hardly feels like either of its predecessors as it tries to deconstruct the rules of a trilogy. There’s a reason why there aren’t many trilogies in the horror genre and that’s because they aren’t easy to pull off. The problem with Scream 3 is that there’s too much back-story considering that this is already the third film in the series. Everything that happens in this movie seems to be getting pulled out of left field for the sake of having things come full circle. Shit, even the recently released Scream 4 seemed to drop any direct connections with Scream 3. All for the better, I say. Welcome to the final act… Not!

The movie opens in typical Scream fashion with a few creepy phone calls and the killings of two people. Interestingly enough, good old Ghostface seems to have gotten his hands on a voice changer that can perfectly duplicate the voices of any of his intended victims. Seriously, who has this kind of technology? It isn’t long before the killer makes it clear that he’s after Sidney Prescott (again) when he starts leaving photos of her mother (murdered before the events of the first film) from when she spent time in Hollywood as an actress. Unfortunately, this means that Sidney really isn’t the big fish in this one. In fact, she’s really not in the movie very much at all as her friends do most of the snooping around. She’s also wearing the same shit she wore in the previous film. All the focus on her mother makes Sidney look pretty insignificant in this one. Poor girl.

This film also suffers from one of the weakest “reveals” in the series and the shocking level of violence from the previous two has been watered down and replaced by comedic moments that come across as more awkward than anything else. Jay and Silent Bob make a cameo as well as Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher). One other particularly out of place scene has to be when the house explodes. Did anyone else think that was a bit much for a Scream flick? This one is a drastic departure from its predecessors and I for one am glad that they finally made another somewhat better film to close the series out.

8. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

By the late 80’s, the slasher boom was in serious decline and by 1989 it was clear that the end was coming soon. All of the iconic slasher villains of the 80’s were no longer scary as each new sequel watered the characters down just a little more. The eighth Friday the 13th film is the perfect example of a franchise that had completely run out of steam. By this point, we really don’t care about any character other than Jason because no one acts like a real person in this movie. Shit even Jason looks bored in this one. He walks soooo slow which is probably why this is the longest running entry in the series. The film is also somewhat falsely advertised as Jason Takes Manhattan, yet the first 2/3’s of the movie take place on a luxury cruise ship (should’ve been called Jason Takes the Titanic).

All the stock characters are in place for this one including the geek, the jock, the slut, the film student with the funky eyebrows, the rocker chick with the pink guitar, the asshole teacher, and the crazy girl with issues. Do we care about any of them? You bet your ass we don’t and neither does Jason. However, the death scenes also fail to deliver the goods as Jason kills people with guitars, wrenches, and hot sauna rocks in this one. Each scene in the movie is as goofy as the one before it with the most intense moment being the one where a few street thugs jump our main characters and force one of them to do heroin. Suddenly, Jason doesn’t seem that bad anymore. Overall, I’d say if they spent more time in New York and less time on that stupid ship this movie probably would’ve been a lot better. Due to a really small budget, many of the New York scenes were shot in Montreal (with the exception of the stare down in Times Square). Friday the 13th sequels tend to be pretty enjoyable do to their quick pacing and predictability but this one hardly ever picks up and you’ll be fighting to stay awake through it.

7. The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)

In the 1960’s, a British film studio that went by the name of Hammer remade many of the monster movie classic of the black and white era including Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Mummy. Each colorized adaptation was a huge success and spawned many sequels. Hammer horror films are among my favorites due to their style and approach to many of these classic stories. Not to mention the performances of such legendary actors like Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing. Throughout the 60’s, these movies made a killing at the box office but by the early 70’s audiences began to lose interest as the producers began to run low on fresh ideas. One idea was to take Dracula out of Transylvania and bring him to swinging modern day London in Dracula AD 1972. A direct sequel followed and was also the last to feature the pairing of Peter Cushing as Van Helsing and Christopher Lee as Count Dracula.

This film starts in a weird spot and continues to go in weird directions as a man escapes a country house were dark “satanic” rituals are being celebrated. Before dying, he tells the police that four prominent members of British society are involved in this mysterious cult. The police call in the supernatural expertise of Professor Van Helsing and his granddaughter to help in the investigation when a secret service secretary is abducted by the motorcycle riding cult. Van Helsing discovers from one of the conspirators that a secretive business man is trying to have a virulent strain of the bubonic plague created so that it can be unleashed upon the world while his granddaughter and an inspector discover vampires at the country house. Van Helsing confronts the business man who turns out to be a reincarnated Dracula and all hell breaks out at the country house where Dracula prepares to exact his ultimate revenge on humanity.

Honestly, I don’t hate this movie. In fact, it’s one of my favorites to watch on a shitty rainy day. The story is actually a step up from its predecessor and there are an ample amount of twists and turns that manage to keep things interesting. Peter Cushing, as old as he was here, actually has a lot to do and seems to be enjoying every bit of it. Same goes for Christopher Lee, who by this point absolutely hated playing the part of Dracula, but he has several incredible lines that’ll chill you with their cold and brooding delivery. Of course, there are better films in this long running franchise like Dracula Has Risen from the Grave or Dracula: Prince of Darkness so this one is far from my favorite but like I said, I still enjoy it when the weather’s lousy. Bad days and bad movies go hand in hand like beer and cigarettes.

6. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

As I mentioned earlier, the late 80’s were a time when the slasher kings were all on their last legs. Jason went to Manhattan, Freddy Krueger had a son, Leatherface became a heavy metal fan, and Michael Myers was now under the influence of a Celtic rune that makes him kill members of his family. What the hell happened here? I thought he was just some escaped mental patient who stalked babysitters on Halloween Night and couldn’t be killed. Now there’s some sort of ancient curse controlling his actions? It’s always bad news for any franchise when a family bloodline subplot becomes involved. It limits the amount of story you can develop and becomes far too restricting. While Halloween 4 stuck closer to the elements that made Halloween a success, Halloween 5 was about to take the story in a direction that the franchise never quite recovered from.

Picking up where the last one left off, Michael escapes the mine shaft before the state police have a chance to blow it up and gets washed downstream where he ends up on the doorstep of some old man living in a shack in the woods. Meanwhile, Michael’s niece Jamie is being kept in a hospital after the traumatic events of the previous year turned her into a mute. On Halloween Eve, Michael wakes up and it appears that he has now developed a telekinetic connection with her evil uncle meaning whenever he kills somebody she starts freaking out uncontrollably. Sure enough, Dr. Loomis is still bumbling around and spouting off the same old “blackest eyes, devil’s eyes” bullshit as he tries to keep Jamie’s dumbass friends (worst teen to teen dialogue I’ve ever witnessed) from being killed as Michael tries to lure Jamie out of hiding. As the body count rises, a mysterious figure wearing a fedora and a long black coat comes to town and starts following both Michael and Dr. Loomis around. Lost yet?

Again, I don’t hate this movie (there’s one other film in this series that absolutely takes the taco for the worst sequel) despite the massive departure from the simple ideas of the earlier films. Halloween 5 is not for everyone and is more of a victim of poor decisions on the film maker’s part. Like the goofy cops with the clown music that accompanies their arrival (were they supposed to be funny) and the brain dead teens that seem to have no recollection at all of what Michael did to their town the year before (allegedly, most of the cast was drunk on set… it shows). I suppose the real highs for me with this one is the showdown between Michael and Rachel (they did say he’d get revenge), the Tower Farm party, and the grand finale in the Myers House (which went from looking like a middle class suburban house to a gothic mansion). Other than those few bright spots, this one is kind of a letdown and you really need to watch Halloween 4 so that you’re all caught up. Don’t look for many of the questions left unanswered by this one to be fully explained by Halloween 6 either. This series was always a mess! If you want consistency, then stick to Friday the 13th.


Alright, so there’s the first half of my Top 10 Worst Horror Sequels. Look for the next half to come around in the next few days as I continue to celebrate the coming of October with the Top 10 Best Horror Sequels and the Top 20 Greatest Horror Films, in my humble opinion.

Rock in Peace


Links to this post |

Theme by Laptop Geek. | Bloggerized by FalconHive | Free Blogger Templates created by The Blog Templates