Welcome to the life and chronicles of My Jersey Boys and me, B (the only girl who hangs out with them). Our original mission was to prove that not all of Jersey is obsessed with GTL. Now it's kind of become the place where we share our random thoughts, ridiculous stories, regular quote updates, and maybe a picture or video here and there. There's always something going on...
The one and only,
Now... I'm not saying I condone the use of Salvia. However, I found a really funny video of someone attempting to drive while on it. Luckily, he couldn't even manage to get his keys in the ignition. I tried to post the embedded link, but apparently there is an age limit for who can watch this video. Soooo I'll post the link, and if you're over 18 you can check it out. If not... You'll either have to wait, or lie about your age... I don't condone lying about your age either! I just know people tend to do that... Like my mom, who claimed to be 26 for seven years.... Anyways, I wonder if the guy in this video really thought he went to outer space....
when I throw things out my window, I fake sneeze to be discreet.
P.S. Some of the things I've said here will make sense once you watch the video...
As anybody who watches Workaholics knows, Half-Christmas (HC) is soon upon this. In honor of one of our new favorite shows, we will be adding Half-Christmas to our list of annual celebrations. With a list of holidays that includes New Years and July 4th, Half-Christmas is another example of how we are trailblazers on the annual holiday celebrating circuit.
Tomorrow is the big day, which I guess makes tonight Half-Christmas Eve (I wonder who will be coming down your chimney tonight. HINT: Nobody good. Nice people don’t climb down chimneys.) Our plan for tomorrow is to celebrate HC the way Jews normally celebrate FC (Full-Christmas- that is what Jewish people call it). As a member of the Chosen People,* I am well-versed in the Standard Jewish Christmas Schedule (SJCS), which includes some classics, like Chinese food (nothing else is open) and a trip to the movies, and some customs, like NBA/college football games, cheesy Christmas movies (I usually go with Jingle All The Way), and loneliness.
*For those who don't know, the Jews are the chosen people. It hasn't worked out too well for us. It's about time God chose somebody else.
So tomorrow is the big day! Unfortunately, I am flying out to
I have long admired Christmas from afar. I’ll be honest: I love Christmas. I love the lights. I love the movies. I love the TV specials. I love the songs. In fact, I wish they played those holiday classics year round. Despite my love for all things Christmas, I have never been able to participate. It just seems like I’m not welcome, like I’m not wanted. It’s like Santa got severely beaten up by Jewish bullies living in the North Pole (kind of like that big Australian kid who was bullied my really small bullies). Well you know what Santa, GET OVER IT!
Ok, I’m sorry Santa. I didn’t mean to yell (I hope this doesn’t hurt my chances of being included this December). I’m just frustrated. Once again, I am left out of Christmas. Yes, I know I have Hanukkah. 8 days of presents is pretty sweet (We have you Christians to thank for that), but it’s not the same. No decorations. No lights. No TV specials (except for Rugrats). All we have is that menorah (nine-branched candelabrum- what the hell is a candelabrum?). Hanukkah is just kind of… boring… meaningless… empty…
Please Santa, come to my house this winter. You know that I can’t leave you bacon, but how about some matzah ball soup? Or some latkes?
I have never been on a normal road trip. Ever. From the time I was a little kid, to this very day, something always seems to happen. Today's road trip from Denver to Grand Junction wasn't so bad. The only thing that happened was that my dog threw up on me... twice. It could have been worse though.
Every year that my family decides to go on a road trip, something happens. Like the time my grandpa got the RV high-centered on a pole (still don't know how he did that). Or the time he backed into someone's car with the RV (he said it wasn't his fault because they parked their car right behind our RV in the trailer park). I remember that incident like it was yesterday. We were in San Fransisco, and my grandpa insisted that he didn't need help backing out of our spot. So my grandmother and I walked down the lane of the trailer park, which happened to overlook an awesome beach and the ocean. We were standing there, with our backs turned away from the park, staring at the ocean, when we heard the crunch of metal. A few seconds later, we heard the unmistakable sound my grandfather's grumbling voice spewing profanities (not unusual for him). My grandmother didn't look away from the ocean, all she said was, "Don't turn around." I didn't.
The best example was when I was around nine or ten years old. My grandparents and I were on our yearly family RV vacation. At the time, my grandpa was driving a pick up truck, with the trailer attached behind us. We were going down some highway, when we noticed that the exhaust pipe started releasing clouds of black smoke. I remember being in the back seat of the cab, hugging my dog and holding on to my box of toys, continuously asking my grandparents if the truck was on fire. They assured me that it wasn't. So I relaxed a little bit. That is until some guy comes flying down the highway, passes us, then pulls over and jumps out of his car, waving his arms like a lunatic and screaming, "YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU'RE ON FIRE!" Well, that sent me into a panic. I was waiting for the car to blow up, or for the best chance to tuck and roll out of the car at a moments notice... Thirty minutes later, we were getting chased down by fire trucks. The truck wasn't on fire, but we were escorted by the fire department to the nearest car repair shop.
Like I said... Road trips and I? We don't exactly have the best history.
People used to ask us why we would continue to go on family road trips each year. I often wondered the same thing, due to all the incidents we had. If we hadn't though, I wouldn't have been able to see so many amazing things. For that, I am grateful... but it would be nice if I could go on one family vacation without something happening...
I guess I should be grateful that this time it was only dog puke... twice.
I really hope nothing happens on our way to Vegas tomorrow...
I guess I’ll try and bring some humor to this page before I go to work.
After recently viewing Scream 4, the third sequel to the 90’s slasher classic, I was reminded once again of the ever changing rules in the world of scary movies (nothing stays the same anyway). For the record, I’m a huge horror movie fan and I’ve been into them ever since I was fairly young. Needless to say, I’ve seen an absolute fuck ton of them over the years but recent efforts have failed to stand up to the timeless classics of the past, the only exceptions being Final Destination, The Devil’s Rejects, 28 Days Later, and the criminally underrated Dog Soldiers.
As this new decade rushes forward, I can already see things changing once again within the genre. The torture films (Saw, Hostel) don’t pop up every other month and no one seems to care about Japanese ghost kids anymore. The remake thing also seems to be cooling off which I am all for. Don’t fuck with the original, for reals! It’s still too early to say where the genre will go from here but it looks like Paranormal Activity is really picking up with a third film coming out later this year and there’s also another Final Destination in the works , which is good news to my ears. So it looks like things are taking a turn for the paranormal and the supernatural which is fine, though not exactly my cup of tea.
So for those of you who are still with me, here are some helpful tips if you ever find yourself in a scary movie and you want to be back for the sequel!
- You can never have sex. Sex = Death in horror movies. Hey, don’t get mad at me I didn’t make that one up!
- Never drink or do drugs. Another unpopular rule but you don’t want to be tripping balls when the spirits that possess your house start messing with you!
- If you have the benefit of numbers, never split up! Seriously, why does everyone always do this?
- Never ever assume that the killer is dead, because he’s not!
- If you hear a strange noise in the house or coming from behind a door, never say “who’s there?” Trust me, you don’t want to know!
- Never stop running even if the monster is slowly lumbering after you. They always manage to catch up!
- Never run upstairs! Way to trap yourself, dumbass!
- If a family with a quiet little kid moves into your town, consider moving away. He’s probably the anti-Christ!
- Never schedule a camping trip on Friday the 13th. Do I really need to go into detail here?
- Always use the buddy system. It helps if your “buddy” is slower or dumber than you.
- Never sacrifice yourself to save someone else. Chances are they’ll be dead soon too.
- Avoid basements!
- Avoid attics!
- Try not to move into any houses on Elm Street.
- If you’re fleeing from the killer and you make it to your car then it doesn’t matter how reliable your car normally is because it probably won’t start!
- Never back out of a room into another, there’s always something behind you!
- Never pick up hitchhikers!
- If someone offers you a babysitting job on Halloween Night, don’t take it!
- Be mindful of windows.
- Avoid summer camps!
- If you stumble across a town that seems way too friendly, get the hell out of there!
- If you drop something, never go back to get it. Seriously, value your own life!
- Never watch a horror movie while you’re in a horror movie!
- Avoid cemeteries!
- If your girlfriend/boyfriend walks into the room wearing a mask and not talking, get the hell out of there because it’s not them!
- Never try to unmask the killer. It only pisses them off more!
- Never hide in the closet. What are you stupid?
- Never listen to strange voices on the phone. Especially if they want to know what your favorite scary movie is!
- Always check the backseat of your car before you get in.
- If you encounter the police, you’re still not safe!
- If some weird old guy tells you that a place is haunted, then it probably is and you should stay the fuck away!
- Don’t watch any videos that people claim are cursed. You’ll be dead in a week!
- Avoid walking through the woods when there’s a full moon.
- Don’t hesitate, JUST SHOOT IT!
- Never ever, ever, EVER under any circumstances say “I’ll be right back,” because you won’t be back!
Now, here’s the opening scene from Scream… Re-enacted by monkeys! Enjoy!
When did we get so old?
Trey Parker and Matt Stone were guests on The Daily Show a few days ago, and they brought up how everybody was concerned about them following the mid-season finale of South Park. They seemed to be in very good spirits (who wouldn’t after winning 9 Tony Awards) and said that they still loved doing South Park. However, they did make it clear that they were getting older, that there hopes for the future included more than just staying with their nearly 20 year old money maker. Although it’s comforting to know that our childhood TV show will still be with us for at least a little longer, what does it mean that two of the most brilliant and funniest people of our generation are starting to feel the pangs of age?
When did they get so old?
This afternoon, J, DM, and I got together for lunch (see Goodburger post). The three of us and G all work pretty close to each other in Manhattan, so we are trying to schedule lunch dates as much as we can. We’ve gotten to the age where we have lunch breaks and must coordinate to make everything work. After lunch is over (1 hour counts down quickly), we hurriedly head back to our respective offices/lab and wait the several hours before we see each other again back home. Just a few weeks ago, spending an hour together for lunch was nothing special. When you hang out with people all day/every day, individual meals are very memorable. But now that we’re 3 weeks older, these snippets of our childhoods become more memorable. We went to Goodburger after all (which was packed by the way). Even when we’re taking a break from work, we are subconsciously looking for a way to mimic the old days.
Remember when Kenan & Kel was your favorite show?
In hindsight, that last episode of South Park wasn’t so bad. It was definitely shocking at the time, but now that it has been some time, I wonder if our collective dissatisfaction with the episode and subsequent anger at Parker and Stone were misdirected. Things do seem less bright than they used to. Many of the things I used to love doing are no longer fun. Some parents get divorced, some don’t. Some people stay friends, others don’t. They say that all good things must come to an end. I hope that’s not true, but in the meantime, life certainly seems to be trending away from all the things that made my childhood memorable.
10 years from now, we'll all ask: Remember when South Park was our favorite show?
I commuted to the city last summer as well. Unlike this summer up to this point, I did not hang out with the guys afterward. A bunch of people were living away from home, and I was just too tired to hang out after work. This summer has been completely the opposite. Although I still have to leave at a relatively early hour (I’m old and need to sleep), I see everybody everyday. It’s like we all feel older together and therefore make a stronger effort to reconnect as often as possible. Even when I’m at work, I talk to everybody. Barely an hour goes by before I pick up my phone to restart a conversation with one of the guys. Now that life has gotten more serious, none of us want to pass up an opportunity to talk about the same stuff we’ve been talking about for years. Somehow that “same old stuff” is just as fresh every time.
Remember the time(s) that J got hit in the balls?
It’s probably just convenient timing, but I’d like to think that Parker and Stone were writing about us, about our lives, about where our lives are going. Maybe life won’t be as much as fun as it used to. Maybe our time together is winding down (very very very slowly). Maybe we’ll grow apart. Just like that episode of South Park, getting older is making life look pretty bleak. But I remember that South Park has done this before. I remember that every once in a while, an episode comes out that really pisses people off. We think that the Stone and Parker are losing it, that SP will stop being funny, and that soon everything we loved about the past will be gone forever. But every time this happens, they come back as good as ever. Every time. Always. Although Stan is angry now and separated from his friends, he will figure it out. He will. South Park (the community and show) will be okay. Trey and Matt said how much they loved doing South Park and that although their lives have become more complicated, South Park will always be home.
Our favorite show will be back until 2013.
Even though we are getting older and things seem bleaker than they used to, life will not stay this way. Just like we couldn’t be kids forever, we won’t be in between childhood and adulthood forever. Although we will all be going through some major changes soon (many of the guys are talking about finally moving out of our parents’ houses), at some point thing will settle down. We will find time to reconnect. We always do. Even when things have looked bleak in the past.
I know, I know. The blog title is a little weird, but it will all make sense in a minute. You see, my biggest fear is turning into a complete and total psycho bitch... Mainly because most girls I know are. To keep myself from being infected by this womanly curse, I have asked C to take precautionary measures for me. If I EVER turn into a full blown bitch C has permission to kick my ass. He asked if I really wanted to give him that power, and I said yes. With some guidelines of course.
For example, if I act like a controlling psycho bitch, he can kick my ass. If I become petty and obseesed with climbing social ladders, he can kick my ass. If I go ballistic and throws things at people, without a legit reason, he can kick my ass... Throwing things at T or A doesn't count. It's usually deserved and/or in defense. I figure my fear of getting on C's bad side should keep me in check, right?
Here's to NOT becoming a bitch,
I've been busy these past couple days, so I haven't been posting updates of my adventures. I've been kind of hoping that maybe one of the boys will write. TK and D both said they'd post something soon. We shall see.
For tonight though, I have no awe inspiring words to share, or clever thoughts. Just sleepy eyes, and hopes for good dreams. I think dreams are under appreciated. In dreams you can say the things you wish you could say in reality. Be whoever you want to be. Go on amazing adventures. Maybe even have the things you can't seem to have in reality.
My dreams may be weird at times, but I'm always just me. I've never really wanted to be somebody else. Although, there are some things I wish I had, or some things I wish I could say. I just never allow myself to. I lack the proper courage and motivation, and I hate being disappointed.
Maybe that's not just me. Maybe it's everyone.
I wish you all sweet dreams, and maybe someday we can all have the things we dream of...
So I've had a pretty rough day. From losing my friend Bo, to my friend Hart almost going to the hospital for a severe panic attack, to going to my ex-roommates baby shower (the idea of having a baby freaks me out). I'm trying not to dwell on that though. My other best friend KB and I are hanging out. Conveniently, she goes by her initials, which makes my life easier. Tonight we are going to drink rum, play pool, and forget our worries. It's exactly what I need.
Also, there is something else I figured I would share with you. My friend Ryan, from work, has started his own webseries on YouTube called "Living with Poseidon". Here's the first two episodes, new ones come out each week. Enjoy!
At least the rum isn't gone...
Today I lost someone I used to know. I'm having a surprisingly hard time wrapping my mind around it. Bo Pennington was our King at Alta High School. The school I attended back in Utah, before I met my boys. He touched my life profoundly because I was one of the few non-Mormon kids in my high school, and he never looked down on me, or judged me like some of the other kids would. In a school where there were over a thousand kids, just in our class, that meant the world to me. He made me believe in myself. He talked me into doing things that I wasn't sure I was brave enough to do, and for that I will always be grateful. He shared his kindness and his goodness with all of us. I always thought he would go off and become President some day, or at the very least change the world in some profound way. I don't really understand how someone so good could be taken from this world so soon. I've never been good with death or loss. Since Bo is no longer able to share his kindness with the world, I'm going to do my best to change. Maybe that is the lesson I was always supposed to have learned from him. To be a better person. To be kind and caring, and share that with the people I know and love. That is my promise to him. To give whatever I can give to others, in hopes that maybe my small acts of kindness will change the lives of others... Because you never know how much time you have on this earth.
Thank you, Bo.
I'll never forget you, friend.
Um... Did I mention that my Mom lives in Tornado Alley? Yeah... This just in, there's a chance of tornado's today. That's why my mom jokingly calls me Dorothy. Every. Time. I. Come. There's a tornado.
Quick note from my mom:
According to B, if you lock the basement bathroom door, the tornado won't disturb you....whatever!!!!!
B again, in my defense, I have an unnatural fear of natural disasters. Especially tornado's. It's even worse than my fear of spiders (eight legs and unnatural). There's a logical reason for my fear of tornado's! Which means, as a girl, I come up with illogical reasoning's for a defense against them... Shut up! Don't you judge me!
Also, in reference to my earlier post, my family is building a pergola... whatever that is. I've only been working on it for twenty minutes, and I've already managed to bruise my collar bone. What did I tell you? At least I got hurt early on, that means I'm free and clear for the rest of the day. I hope.
I sure hope a tornado doesn't hit us. I don't want to wake up with one of my dog's and be in the land of Oz. Those ruby red slippers have heels, and I have trouble walking in those. Maybe if they were ruby red converse it wouldn't be so bad.
Not much going on here in Colorado, except my mom made me cut and dye my hair. Still getting used to that. I am seriously missing the boys right now. I keep missing out on all the fun *sad face*. Last night I called Char to see what was up, and all the boys were there. Every once and a while, Char would jump into the conversations the boys were having, and I would sit back and listen, pretending I was hanging out at Char's fire pit with them. I'm a little home sick. R and J have returned from Europe, the boys went to a Deep Purple concert, they've been hanging out in a tree house (which I had no idea we had access to a tree house...Char!), and Char bro-iced J (which I cannot believe I missed THAT). Char is like a bro-icing ninja. I still have nightmares about how he iced me! Not really but... I maintain that no one in the group texted me that it happened. I have sixth sense for illegal bro-icing, and it went off when it happened. Remember, A is the only person in the group we are supposed to bro-ice. Char, apparently, is immune to the Commandments of TK's garage... Then again, they weren't in TK's garage... I just assumed those rules applied to everywhere we hang out at.
Clearly, I was wrong because Char posted this on facebook:
Icing to do list: B, check. J, check. C, you're next...
At least C got a fair warning...
I feel like this is going to cause a bro-icing war within the group. I'm just glad that I already had the misfortune of getting iced. Although, I have been gone for a month... I feel like there's a possibility that I will get iced as punishment for my absence and missing Char's birthday. So I would like to say this, in advance, for my defence.
First, I did not choose to go to Colorado. Originally I agreed to only coming out for two weeks. My mother bought me tickets for a month, because she wanted to go to Vegas, and she wants my help with re-tiling my grandmother's house. Yes, I do know how to tile floors... As well as re-roofing a house and various other building/fix up projects. So, although I am going to Vegas for a week, my mother is torturing me by making me go on a 500 calorie diet, hiding all my t-shirts (because she's insistent that I dress and act like a lady), making me do house and yard work, and I'm doing a good deed for my grandmother (who really need the help). Also, I hate Colorado. So isn't that punishment enough?
Second, Char, although I missed your birthday (which you know I wanted to be there more than anything in the world), you missed my birthday too. So... Please don't ice me bro.
Crap... My folks are home from Home Depot... There were other things I wanted to write, but I have to go do manual labor... Super.
Somehow during these projects I always end up getting hurt. Like that time I fell off the gazebo. Pray for me.
I'm taking a break from writing about my lack of adventures in Colorado to discuss some thing serious.
The possible end of South Park.
Since I've been back in Jersey, TK and I have made it a tradition to watch the show every week. When the boys are home, we all gather together to watch it. South Park has been huge for our generation, and I for one do not want to see it end yet. Some of us have grown up with Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman. Somewhere down the road we have developed a somewhat unnatural love for the characters. It would really suck to live in a world where we didn't get to see them go on ridiculous adventures each week. Maybe we are over reacting, but last nights episode has myself and some of the boys a little freaked out at the possibility of an ending to the show. C and I have discussed starting a petition to beg Matt Stone and Trey Parker to keep the show running. If you want to join our cause, write me at firstname.lastname@example.org. In this day and age, we need all the joy of stupid humor that we can get!
DON'T LET OUR FRIENDS IN SOUTH PARK LEAVE US!
Seeing as though I am in Colorado, and not far from the supposed location of South Park, I have one thing to say about tonight's episode...
...Technically those are C's words and not mine, but seriously. What just happened on tonight's episode?
I'm seriously concerned that South Park might be ending soon,
P.S. Char should have kidnapped me when he had the chance...
So it's day six already! Which means tomorrow I'll only have three more weeks until I come home... Yeah, I'm kind of counting down the days. As much as I love my friends and family here, I'm really looking forward to returning back to Jersey. Not much to report here in Colorado. This morning I got my butt kicked by my mom's personal trainer, so the rest of the day I kind of hung out and did nothing. Well, I did help clean the house... again... but most of my day was spend at Barnes and Noble reading. I have a really horrible habit of finding books to read and staying there until closing time. Unfortunately, I didn't bring money with me to buy the book I was reading. So to distract myself from the annoyance of not being able to find out what happened next in my book, I came home and started an Adventure Time marathon. Which I'm now going to return to... or go to bed. I haven't quite decided...
Sorry I have no adventures of my own to report,
Fox has always been our go-to guy for advice on love, life, and complicated situations. So last night, when my friend Hart asked him about a current situation she was having with her new boyfriend, he gave us this example...
He explained to us that men's brains are like waffles. Not that I really need to tell you this, but waffles have those little square compartments where syrup gets poured in and kind of gets stored. He said men are like waffles because they compartmentalize everything in their brains. Men are goal oriented, which is why they enjoy "chasing" girls. Guys can only think about one thing at a time, that's why if you ever try to talk to guy while he's trying to do something, he'll ask you to "Shut up, while I find my keys!"
On the the other hand, women's brains are like a bowl of spaghetti. All of our thoughts and goals are constantly jumbled up together incoherently. While this allows us to do and think about a hundred different things at once, it also causes us to drive ourselves completely insane. I wish I could say that that wasn't the case... but it's completely and totally true.
I know this because I'm cleaning my mom's house, thinking about ten different things, and finding myself growing more impatient and frustrated. *laughs*
I wish my brain wasn't a bowl of spaghetti,
Well, day two in here in Colorado was an interesting one. I didn't do anything during the day, except eat like five tacos from Del Taco... Okay, I didn't eat five, it just felt like it. It wasn't until tonight that things got... interesting. I ended up going to the OG, the restaurant I used to work at, and was invited to a party being held at Old Chicago's. It's kind of everyone's favorite hang out spot here. My best friend, who I mentioned in my last post, came with me and we had an AWESOME time. I was DD, of course, so I stayed sober. My friend Hart, on the other hand, had so many rum and coke's that I kind of lost track... How she isn't sick in my bathroom right now is kind of beyond me. Anyway, it's been nice catching up with all my old friends... but I'm missing my boys.
Today was Char's birthday, and I'm really bummed I missed out on celebrating it with him. Char, if you're reading this, I love you bestie! I hope you're birthday was epic, and if it wasn't, I'm holding C responsible. When I called and talked to you two this morning, I told him he better make it the best birthday ever.
Well, that's all for now. I need to go check on my friend...
I am currently on Day One of my visit to Colorado... well, technically it's Day Two now, but whatever. My mom has decided that I spend way too much time with boys, and that I need to "reconnect" with my girly side... I think Char could argue for me that I am very much connected to my girly side, I just choose not to display it. Around the boys. Or most people in general... Anyway, apparently this whole trip is going to be focused upon me becoming a better girl. I'm not quite sure what that means, but today she dragged me, and my best friend Hart, to a day spa. If becoming more girly means I get a massage every day, then sign me up! Somehow, I don't think that will be the case though.
I foresee hair dye, mani/pedi's, waxing, and all sorts of other torture women put themselves through in my near future... At least I'll look pretty? Although, I kind of thought I looked pretty already. According to my mother though, I'm a work in progress. Wish me luck?
I really wish I wasn't being tortured in the name of beauty,
I'm currently sitting in the Newark airport, reluctantly waiting for my flight to Colorado. Char was kind enough to drive me today. On the way to the airport, we stopped for our traditional morning coffee, BK mocha joe's. One last coffee drive together, at least for a month...
I've never wanted to stay somewhere so much in my entire life.
Much love from you're little bird,
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